Sun makes the British happy..

*Believe it or not this is London!

Yes, the sun is out and warm in the UK! It has definitely been a long time coming but will probably be gone by the long weekend coming up. That would be typical British weather.

Had a bit of a hectic weekend and thought I would be more shattered come this morning at work but it looks like a bit of sun was all I needed. I'm sitting here looking at the nice little bit of tan I got from the weekend. oh joy :)

Friday was a nice chill social evening which is maybe another little story - but was a very late night as we got home after 2:30am, only to have to be up and about cleaning flat for guests to arrive. We now have one of C's friends little brothers (and one of C's little scouts that he led) staying with us for a week. His friend is on this crazy mission to win this girls heart by flying over here and wooing her all week as a surprise. He didnt want to do this alone so brought Little Brother along with him. So far they havent spent much time together and he is being left a little high and dry as he couldnt really afford this. BUT it is his first time out of South Africa and that is super exciting. One needs trips outside of ones country to gain perspective on life I think.

So we took Little Brother for a little walking tour of London... Well when I say little I mean little in comparison to the whole of London. We walked and walked and walked. We did Covent Garden, Trafalgar Square, Leicester Square, Soho, Bond St, Hyde Park (Speakers Corner, the serpentine lake, the awesome umbrella tree) Westminster Abbey, Parliment square (complete with protesters tents that they are busy trying to evict furiously), Big Ben, the houses of parliment, The southbank including: The London Eye, Oxo Tower, Tate Modern, The millennium bridge. Then St Pauls and finally back home! Wow my feet are sore even typing that... But I did get this pic...

*I do love St Pauls. It never ceases to awe

   
C has been a bit ill this last week and was just getting worse and worse each day. By yesterday he was just exhausted and since we were tired already of endless socialising we head off just the 2 of us to the reservoir that is just behind our climbing gym, just down the road. We have always known it was there but never walked the 30 secs down the road to the reservoir centre to check it out. It has a little cafe there that mostly serves the little sailing and canoe club but it open to the public. We sat out on the terrace in the sun sipping our drinks and chilling out. It was like a little bit of the Cape Town lifestyle in our back garden. It was lovely and just so relaxing! Definitely one of the "undiscovered" corners to London. There was also one VERY large fish cruise around feeding and popping its head out the water by the edge of the terrace...

*I missed it sticking its head out the water :(... and there is no scale to the pic but it was about 400mm long

Then we went for a walk through  the park to the gorgeous little high st in Stock Newington. We do love wondering along this street. Such lovely little shops and cool vibe and so villagey. We stopped for snacks at the Whole Foods organic shops (so cool) and headed back to the park to go lie in the sun and get all the Vitamin D we could.

What a lovely day :)

* Lying in the Park eating watermelon - perfection!

Disconected

So am feeling pretty disconnected with things at the moment. Am definitely feeling very disconnected to my blog at the moment, it feels to overwhelming to try and put alot of the things into words sometimes. I suppose I would always only write once things had really built up and just need to come out.

Work is being a bit shit at the moment and well I just feel even more disconnected from actually wanting to do anything with my role there. Mostly because it has become a bit stagnant and that is out of my control. The one fairly good thing is that I have designed our intranet setup and it has been signed off and should be launched soon - well that is if i get time in my work day to actually perfect it. Not that I'm getting any time for it. But they are apparently kicking a little extra in my paycheck for it. But now they want me to design their full global corporate site and well that scares the shit out of me but could be a good opportunity to advance my skills and broaden myself. But i'm already burning out somewhat.

I've really been trying to turn around the things in my life i'm not happy about and I found a course that was specifically about self management of life with regards alot to living with long term conditions. It has been really hard to keep myself from getting too down about the pain I'm in and how weak I feel at the moment. I had a realization that I really DO NOT like to be perceived. It is very important to make sure that we do not concentrate our energy on how we think other people perceive and start to believe it. Also we must make sure that we control our own perception of ourselves.

Strangely enough the people in the course that i'm taking see me as a very together person that has amazing knowledge and things sorted. Well I must say that yes alot of the stuff on the course I've already looked at and researched etc but obviously I dont have it ALL together if I signed up and took this course. I have realised that I am alot better off then many people and I just amazingly lucky to have such a supportive partner, I know I didnt have one before and so hope that I can keep showing my appreciation for all the little things that mean the world to me. I hope to be much stronger in the future and to always provide just as much support the other way. Of course we dont have everything sorted but it is so good to have a great base and good communication to start with. So compared with the others my home is my sanctury and my protection. I do not have to rage battles (other then in my own head) inside the quiet that is home. This I'm so thankfully for.

But am still feeling disconnected. I feel disconnected with my body because of the pain and the medication that i'm putting into it. Thankfully I've stopped taking the one medication that was seriously disconnecting me from everything. I think this may all still be from that and it will get better the longer I'm off it. BUT am still settling into the other medication so am more sore at the moment. I think the lack of good sleep due to pain isnt helping either.

Am also disconnected from friends that are going through tough times at the moment. I've tried to be a bit influence in a situation/intervention with a friend that has worked thanks to the time and energy and emotion that my mom has put into it and plugging into some of the strong emotions i've been dealing with in regard to it all. She is finally for the first time in 11 years dealing with all the damage that has happened to her and that she has done to herself. It is amazing to hear the battle that she is going through and doing so well. I'm SO proud of her!!! But I still feel like a failure as a best friend for being so far away and so disconnected and so afraid of confrontation.

I'm also so unable to be there for another close friend who has just had to go through the death of her father which is just so scarily close to home and all that. I hope that she is surviving and that it gets easier for her. I wish sometimes that I wasnt so far away from my closest friends.

So other then all that I still have my wonderfully stable and understanding C ...who is my rock and I really dont know what I would do without. and so like my fellow blogger Benny I'm going to keep trying to focus on the positives....

My wonderful bf
Our random trip to another city just for the night to see a band (its a surprise ...so more laters)
Going back to Cape town for a holiday in like 3 and a bit weeks!!
Going to Namibia to best guy mates wedding on the beach !! WHOO HOO
Hanging out with the friends in Namibia and some climbing in Namibia
THE HEAT!! So hopefully not as painful joints!!
Bonus coming in next pay check
Didnt have to go grocery shopping this week because we just had our weekly shop delivered to our door tonight. yay! less hassle for me.
And it is nearly friday and then therefore nearly the weekend!! Double yay.

And that is it for now... going to try keep the happy positive thoughts going. 

Time for change

I have a feeling that a few changes are in the process of happening. Well when I say process I mean it is all in my head at the moment.

On Saturday I was actually the one dragging C out of bed and wanting to get going early in the day. Normally it is me staying in bed dozing as long as possible on the weekends lasting into the early afternoon. Not this day though as it was the Art in Clay exhibition/Fair! This is the biggest event in the UK in the ceramics world and I was not going to miss it for the third year. (can you beleive how quickly the time i've been in the country has flown)

It was just amazing... I loved it! I really needed it as well. Firstly it made me realise that I am a maker and an artist inside and that I do have the talent! The difference between the people exhibiting and me where that they were doing ceramics full time and they all had 10 years of that behind them OR they were students that were studying ceramics full time. It really was a good realisation that I could with time really make something of my passion in ceramics. I mean it has always been in me but i've not really been in a position in the past to really persue it.

I was just so inspired by alot of the things that were exhibited. And I bought a book that appealed to me for inspiration and later at home realised it was even better as it was a book that relates directly to the ceramics degree here in London. It is written by the proffesor! It has been great for inspiration and how to chanel it etc.

So I need to make time and prioritise creativity in my life!

One of the first things that I think i'll have to do is to redesign this blog and it may have to take a different direction for now. I've also found as much as I love that my blog is there to share things with family, friends and the bf, I do find that I hold things back because of that - and I dont think that is a bad thing. It just stops me from writing on here at all sometimes. So I feel that there may be a new chapter in the life of this blog over the horizon.

I seem to have noticed that it isnt only me that is waning with the blog entries... i've noticed that most of my regular blog reads are also battling for inspiration.

Strange days

It really has been a strange few days, I dont even know where to start...

The horrid friday was all about work that I had on that I just couldnt seem to get done by the deadline since it was things that got changed on me and then crazy requests like try and get 6 pages of a A4 word document with text and tables onto ONE A3 power point presentation slide!! (I still cant figure that out). It was a seriously stressful day and I was trying to make it work out but when you also have to go thing like recreate excel documents it get time consuming.

Our electrical contractor was throwing us a Christmas party in a casino and all the girls going were going to get all dressed up in party dresses etc. So we had to get ready - the plan was to be ready by 6pm...now since i was working away on Miss Trendy's work I would have thought since she was getting ready too she would make a comment that she was off to get ready - but no she didnt seem to be talking to me. I finally realise that it is 5:55 and I'm not ready. I go through to find that the rest of the people are all waiting in reception all ready to go - fuck i was pissed off and the flippant comment "oh you still coming" Damn i was pissed off.

Anyway it did ruin the evening over all as it was loads of fun. We got the the casino and went through the whole sign in process and then were lead off to a private bar area where the free drinks began. We then were shown to the practice tables where they had a roulette, poker and blackjack table set up to teach us the games etc. This was great fun and I def learnt loads. Plus it is cool to practice with worthless chips. We were also served nibbly foods and more champayne and alcohol. We then got given £50 worth of real chips to go play with on the real tables.... scary !

I didnt do to badly as i chose the blackjack table which I was so good on at the practice that I won a poker set :) I didnt walk away with anything but the girl i was couching did - me thinks I was concetrating enough on my own cards.

I then stumbled home getting the very last northen line home (so lucky!) and crawled into an empty bed...No C until the sunday afternoon... he was off playing in Brighton.

I was rudely awoken by the alarm clock at 6am and i nearly threw it across the room and cursed C for not showing me how to turn it off. I finally get it to shut up and in the proccess apparently turned the 2nd alarm on that made it go off at 8:30. Damn now i was unhappy and hung over. managed to turn it off and turned over and went back to sleep only to wake up at 14:39!! OMG I've slept over 12 1/2 hours! crazy stuff.

So the rest of the weekend was nothing special and involved me not going very far from the warmth of home.

Monday bought with it work issues with me being bitched at by Miss trendy about the Friday stuff and getting a bit of a lecture - I'm not convinced it was all fair and neccessary but hey I have to move on and not get stressed about it. So I just carried on working as usual. It is now Wednesday and I've out worked her and am now waiting on her to get her workload sorted. ANYWAYS

Now for the strangest and saddest day... Terrible Tuesday.... Tuesday morning started off really weirdly with Miss quiet (my friends and neighbour at work) went away then came back picked up her bag, put on her coats and was walking out...I knew she wasnt planning to be out the office so looked up and one look I knew something was really wrong. She couldnt even talk just mouthed at me she would text me and then left.

I then find out that 6 people from the company have been made redundant which is 1 or 2 per dept! We were all in shock yesterday and didnt really know what to do with this information. And as everyone just up and left there were no good byes - it was very weird. But it also feels was to close to home. Miss quiet is brilliant and her job and def better then me on the drawing front. But they cut support staff so that is why she got cut out of the design dept. I already miss her!

This now means that since the design dept is smaller we are no having to move onto one bench...this means i'm back at the first desk i started off on here which has me with my back to the entire open plan office so they can all see what is on my 2 screens!! FUCK! so this means no more blogging at work, less email and who knows about chat.... Actually I dont know if I'll have to time to do anything as the workload that Miss quiet had will have to fall to someone so that means knock on effect is me having to do more random work. ARG

Now I hear that she or her husban ended up in a car accident last night. AND so did our design director (Posh Scot) What was the universe thinking yesterday!!!

The one funny thing that happened yesterday ...after wonderful talk with my dad (he is doing very well considering) I landed up missing a call from C and then having to run for the bus... I get on the bus, stap upstairs, sit down at the front and call C... Next thing I can hear his phone ringtone, and then not only do i hear him on the phone I hear him in the distance too...So I look up to the glass and there he is in the reflection in the window, sitting half way down the bus.... we had managed to unplanned get onto the same bus. What a wonderful surprise! :)

Dad's going for surgery!

So it was just over a week ago that I found out that my has a skin cancer growing on his leg that one doctor was treating as a skin infection and the 2nd doctor treated it as a skin infection that got into the bone. He has been in pain for over 6 months now. Finally by going to a plastic surgeon to see about tidying up the "skin infection" and he was the one that spotted it as cancer.

The result of all this...well tomorrow (thanks to a cancellation - otherwise the wait was going to be 3 weeks!) he is going into hospital to have it cut out of his leg and new skin graphted onto the area. The area that going to have to be removed is the size of a side plate. But the horrid part is that he cant be put under a general anesthetic as he is a smoker with seriously bad lungs and asthma! So it is all going to be done with a local anesthetic. Now since I just had one for them to put the implant into my arm and that still hurt and i had to feel it I seriously feel for him having to go through that.

So now we are just holding thumbs that the cancer hasnt got to the bone and the malignant part it able to be taken out completely!

My thoughts & love are with you Dad
xxx

Friday Blues...

So i'm back at work and not too hapy about it. I feel like i'm seriously lacking in sleep now that it is the end of the day since i've been sleeping during the day for the last 3 days. Plus I think I kept waking myself up when I rolled onto my arm in the night. My arm has a bloody great big (ok maybe not that big) hole in it from having the contraceptive implant inserted.

I am so happy about this!! I have a very good feeling about it as well as being happy that i'm now truely 100% certain not to fall pregnant. And since everyone around me is doing it or thinking of it etc I def want to be certain I dont fall into that trap ! ! lol They took a big hollow needle with a 5 cm implant rod inside, out the needle into my arm under the skin for about 6am and then took it out leaving the implant behind. Thankfully there was an injection to numb the area! otherwise we are talking serious piercing pain. But it is def sore at the moment esp if it gets banged.

So anyway, back at work, still feeling sick (not as bad as the rest of the week but bad enough to make work unpleasent) Trying to actually get drawings done (not happening) and generally not feeling in a happy socialble mood! I just want to go home and get some sleep or veg out and watch a movie.

There is ONE wonderful happy thing to this friday ... Miss Unhinged is leaving today !! SHe is going to move to the middle east and work for our company there. Just to quickly fill in she is the designer that made life a bit miserable for the 6 months I worked under her. She also caused me a great deal of insecurity and that I was not impressed with. I played a few office politics and got myself moved away from her. I just have to point out that in the year that she has been here she has only seen 1 project to the end (and there was another senior designer on it) And has only 2 other projects running at the moment. That is it. She hasnt won a pitch of her own while she has been here - and she was supposed to be my mentor. I have to say that I'm pretty glad to see the back of her. BUT I do know that things in her personal life havent been the best and as a person I do wish her the best in her new path. I hope she makes it work for her there. Otherwise it is just going to break her if it doesnt.

So with that I'm going to hunt the bf down and go home. Oh and I've realised that DAMN do we email each other alot during the day ! It is very rare to get through a work day with no communication at all!

Off to the land of Kilts and Whiskey and mountains

So we are finally off to the wedding - heading off to the airport in about 20 mins!! just cant wait to get out of work!! It is crazy here !!

Actually dont really have the time to sit here and blog - need to run off an dprint drawings finish things up - and i'm going to have to leave my desk in a state - i did try to tidy it last night...but today cluttered it up again.

Cant wait for our little tour of driving around scotland that we have planned for after the wedding. So i'll only be back at this desk next Thursday - YAY.

Laters!

p.s. to go with the theme of wedding..hows this for an alternative wedding cake (apparently the theme was gothic and it was Halloween)

New Bicycle...

So i've done it - I gave into C and bought myself a bicycle for some recreational days on the weekend and transport to the climbing gym that is also a warm up.

So of course I didnt want to go the whole sporty bike route - I'm def not that kinda person. And you dont want to go the mountain bike route for the london streets. So after going to Holland in May i fell in love with the beautiful old school bikes and how they are just everywhere and everyone uses then for transport. I went in search for one in London and since they have just become so popular here it was a mission finding just the right one at the right price.

My other problem was finding a bike that would fit me since i'm only 5 foot and not taller! I reckon most bikes are made for people from 5ft5" and taller !!

Finally yesterday morning (saturday) I went to see one I had found on gumtree. It is beautiful and brand new out the box. I'm so happy with my find and snapped it up right away. We went for a little cycle around the area and then headed up to this gorgeous cafe which does all organic food. Luckily we only had to go down the road to get the bike (this is very luckily indeed and very rare)

So here are some pics of my beautiful baby....

Warmth Finally

What a great South African music themed weekend I had !! (even though i cant beleive it is already wednesday and fast heading towards the next weekend)

Friday night saw us heading off to see Plush (listen to them here) in concert at the Islington Carling Academy. I was super excited to see them again all the way in London. C and I and Fire Poi Boi headed up to Angel and grabbed some Wagamama's for dinner - Very yummy indeed! Cept as usual the portions are too big and the pixies (C) got to finish it all off.

The concert was great even though I think the Brixton Carling Academy is a much better venue due to the fact that the floor is sloped so short people like me have an easier time of seeing the stage. I sadly got stuck behind ALL the tall guys in the venue. And seriously i'm not over exagerating. I had about 6 over 6ft tall guys right in front of me right through the crowd obsuring every view for me. So there was alot on me moving back and forth to get views of the stage. but other then that the gig was awesome as Rory still has the most amazing energy on stage - it can only be infectious. Sadly the bassist and other guitarist didnt make it through customs and got sent back home :( But still it made the gig more like the Plush i know and love. It did of course bring back loads and loads of memories of back home and the past - which made me a little sad. but what can you do. I suppose i have to get a bit homesick every now and then.

Met up with a chick I knew back in Cape Town who has moved over here and her friend who has just moved over as well and I knew via a bunch of people as always tends to happen. After the gig we went stubling up Upper St trying to find the bar with the after party which happened to be right at the top of Upper St went the gig venue was at the bottom. It was a rather weird ramble up the road meeting random Saffa's heading to the place place along the way. Anyways we did eventually make to the bar and landed up in the bar next door as there was no cover charge to get in.

So a great night all around and nicely close to home and a short bus ride there! I would just like to point out that now C has decided he likes fun tequila riddled Gem!! So now tequila just seems to appear. So Saturday morning was a little rough on the head!

After an insignificant daytime and far too soon for my sore head the evening rolled around. Much debate went on as to whether we should head off to Goldfish or continue to watch Coupling (OMG I forgot how much this show makes me laugh so much that I cant breathe) But with an encouraging call from a friend of C's who was waiting for us to pitch up we went into overdrive get ready mode. And off to the club we went :)

What an awesome night ! Goldfish was amazing !! We headed to the front and loved every minute of it. Cept for the guy standing on my foot and my shoes killing my feet by the end of the night. We also managed to fight the tiredness and hang around for some Roger Goode (who is a top SA DJ and also a friends brother) We decided that once we left the club that there was a definite call for a cab as it was already 3am! So after attempting to do it the legal way, we got an illegal one and landed up with the coolest Nigerian cab driver. We talked Africa and politics and the uk etc non stop all the way home. Even once he got us to our home and had been paid he still wanted to talk...eventually we got away but of course after lots of handshakes and goodbyes.

Surprisingly Sunday morning we woke up relatively early for having gone to bed at 4am and even managed some house cleaning before I landed up sitting in the garden in the sun with my laptop - got to love wireless internet !! Was just so great to be having a summers day with warm air and sun. I def needed to stock up on that Vitamin D !!

After much waiting and hunger due to waiting for Miss Popular to arrive back in london after an afternoon stuck in traffic for her. Miss Popular is one of my very best friends and was in London for a short while and also got to go off and do some travelling. Sunday night was the last night i was going to see her. C and I headed off finally and with much coaxing of C off his computer game to Waterloo to grab some food and drinks. Sadly the evening was WAY too short with her and her bf running off to catch their train in time and C and I just making the last tube for the night. It was great to see her but of course left me sad once goodbyes had to be said! She means so much to me and I miss her alot. She had such a specific role in my life in CPT and I will not be able to fill that in London. But it wont be long before it is Dec and I will get to see her and we have already started making plans :)

This week Trendy is on holiday so it has been quiet but steadily work filled! Hence hard to find blogging time and chatting time as well - I know bad me. Cept Monday got a bit emotional ...and Tuesday was aweful as I had to deal with an entire day of agonizing back pain which is happily much better today.

But today was MUCH better - the sun was out and I got to soak up more vitamin D in the park at lunch time ! It is my dad's 76th birthday today!!! and he sounds much happier and healthier today which is fantastic! I got to have a good talk to the family back home and heard that my youngest (in his 30's) brother has just gotten engaged. Congrats to him.

Well that is all for now...sorry if it was a long boring post - but hopefully you'll find some cool music that you like from it :)

Regular posts ?!?! I try

I open up blogger everyday with the aim to write something most days...I actually even have stuff to write about since so much is going on at the moment...but i just cant seem to steal enough of a moment to sit and write it all down. And this annoys me so much !!

So anyway this is only a little update !

Last week was CRAZY!! work was insane and involved running around to quite a few sites - one being all the way up in leisester (so cant spell that!) which involved hours of train travel ... which was all well and good if I didnt have to rush back down to london and the office to drop everything off and then rush off to hyde park to see Jack Johnson in concert. It was all worth it tho as it turned into a lovely sunny blue skied evening (compared to the cold grey day it was before) and he was just great - what a wonderful evening...

Much more running around happened last week to try do some shopping for the impending hen weekend away. It was pretty much all a waste of time and I just landed up living with the clothes that I have...other then a very cool new grey/silver waistcoat...such a daring buy for me and i'm so happy.

So from friday morning to Sunday evening it was all about the hen party and travelling to and from Manchester for it. So in other words loads more hours spent on the trains!!

Much more to write about the hen weekend...but that is going to have to come another time as i seriously have to go off and work now... have managed to con a day off work to spend with one of my best friends for her birthday...she is also only in london for a short while - so and going to have to make the most of it. But this means that I have to get all of todays work and tomorrows work done today !!! ARG

A realisation for the day...

So I went off to grab a drink and some fresh air before heading back to my desk for all the work that the rest of the day holds and landed up reading one of the free daily papers outside. One article really jumped out at me and after reading it I seriously felt shamed...
Headline: "Arrest risk to bloggers is growing"
64 people have been arrested for their words online since 2003. Half of those were in China where they are being arrested for being outspoken against the government. The one example is a man that was running a blog exposing human rights issues! *
So this just made me realise how can we be ranting and raving about what we write on these insignificant blogs (mine included) when there are people out there not blogging about their lives and work but about the injustices in this world in an attempt to correct them. And for this they are being arrested.
We have the freedom of speech to write the useless things on the Internet that we do so why get so wrapped up and upset over insignificant comments and opinions on subjects that overly simplified and narrow minded. There are much bigger battles to fight out there.
Just my little thought for the day

*I do also realise that not all are arrested for those reasons and may actually be commiting the crimes against humankind themselves and therefore deserve the arrest.

Mommy's birthday day !

It was my mommy's birthday yesterday! YAY ... and of course she is aging so gracefully :) ...or as wildly as possible maybe. She is heading off to a SEETHER concert on Sunday with one of my best friends! So basically my mom is still rocking out at 61 !! how cool :)

(p.s. I hope I look like her at 61!!)

So this week has been a good one so far.. Cept the waking up on Monday morning to no lights and the bullshit going down on another blog. I must say that having to shower and dress and do make-up by a little mag lite torch on a Monday morning wasn't the best way to start the week and luckily i didn't leave the house looking like a clown! Actually I felt great ! I got to wear my new slimming gorgeous black skirt and bare my legs for the first time this summer (not sure i can call it that tho) Work went off pretty easy so far this week esp since a bunch of the girls in design have take our hours lunch and gone to sit in the sun in the park ! Makes the day so much better and I haven't felt so run down by the end of the day.

Today has been a ton more insane but in a good way with hectic client design meetings. It just reminds me how much happier i am working with Trendy rather then Miss Unhinged (who is seriously struggling now without support and the fact that she now has to do her job instead of expecting me to have a handle on it all)

And right now the rest of this blog comes from a few experiences in this last week....I just cant believe how petty and childish people can be on their own blogs. I've given over to the fact that I'm putting my feelings and emotions out there and welcome any comments on that or none at all. I've written what i want to write and that is enough for me. I don't need approval or awards or popularity. I also just have to say that I am who I am and I try to live my life on and offline as the person closest to my inner self. Sometimes that means wearing my heart on my sleeve and getting hurt along the way but it also means i heal faster and get faced with the truth about myself more so I am able to grow in every possible way.

I have been told that I'm aggressive and over powering and forceful which I am but I'm also the other side of the coin and have a very soft personality. I think that is why so many people come to me for advice. They know I'll be straight forward but appreciate the understanding that i bring as well. I decided a long time ago due to some disastrous relationships and friendships that I need to be true to how i think and feel all the time and i will not edit myself for anyone !!! I feel very strongly about this.

People say that you can be more yourself online then in real life but pretty much everything I say online i would say to people in real life. I mean I've been able to put my feelings on my blog for the world to read about my life and how I feel about people in my life. If my mom was able to read harsh comments about herself and her raising of me and is able to go and think about it and send me a thoughtful and honest answer that I don't feel comfortable reading then I don't know why i shouldn't expect that from strangers out there. And not have smaller things blown out of proportion with emotion. You don't get more emotional then an online dealing with feelings between mother and daughter (this is all in my blog archive)

As I've started to comment more on peoples blogs I just want to say that I will always open up and tell of my own private experiences and will say what I truly think about a post. I will not sugar coat things and i wouldn't say thing that I think the person wants to hear. I'm sorry if that is too much for people to handle but then if it is how does one deal with face to face criticism or honest comments. I also enjoy reading the blogs the give me something enough to think about and then comment. Let me tell you that I do take time and energy with everything I type. I'm not flippant or unthoughtful.

I know that people will always read me wrong online (esp since I have a difficult time with grammar and spelling due to dyslexia) and in real life. This is something that I've also had to learn to deal with and accept as graciously as possible. I'm just so not used to overreaction and highly emotional drama for no reason. I personally love heated debates even ones that get emotional...but deal with and move on. I do not believe in holding grudges for such petty moments in life. There are much more important things.

Maybe I'm just a screwed up tainted girl...but then it kinda makes life interesting.

I had an ex once that used to find anything to debate (maybe call it arguing) while online with each other. We could go on for hours and i now know he used to take an opposite stance just for the fun of it even if he didn't believe it. He said it gives you practice at trying to understand people even if you think their point of view is stupid. As much as I "hated" him while debating as it could be so frustrating but it never effected our friendship (which we still have even though we are ex's) I appreciate that I can even tell him now straight out that he is being an idiot with his life etc.

Maybe that is why I enjoy friendships with guys and the girls that REALLY know me and how I am not being harsh when telling them truthfully what I think. Besides then they know that i'm not being fake or two-faced to them. They know where they stand. This works in relationships as well and I can say that communication is key even if it isnt want you want to hear but you can at least work from a base of honestly and avoid alot of problems in the future. Trust me C tells me harsh things about myself for me to face and take in and then accept...and therefore I can trust in him completely and know that he loves me for the whole of me good and bad.

But then again I don't live in a rose tinted world with my head in the sand trying to be something that I'm not. Maybe this is cause in my short 26 years on this earth i've been faced with many huge things to make me reevaluate the world around me and my inner self. One can only grow from being pushed out of ones comfort zone and having the deal and work on creating your own happiness. This is another thing I i feel strongly about since I see so many others in such a depressive state that it has become the norm.

Do not accept this in your life! Do something about it and to change it! Do not sit around and think "whoa is me, i'm so hard done by". You are responsible for your own happiness! I've been there, I've worked through it. I've been though emotional, physical and life changing hell and I wouldn't have it any other way cause I am the person i am because of it and honestly I'm happy with that. This all might seem vain and selfish to some people...but you know what I don't care...I'm living my life and I'm happy.

I'm actually happy with all the things that lead me along this post's journey - it has been great writing from deep down inside again :) Thank you

Perfectly Suited

Friday night was a good night! After such a crap week it really was needed! I got in a nice long call to my poor sick mom that was in bed with gasto stuff (hope you're feeling better mommy) and then headed off home to just chill! After loads of procrastinating C and I finally got some food together and while we where doing this (simultaneously also bugging the housemate as much as possible) this is the conversation which according to the housemate means that C and I really are perfectly suited...

C: (from the kitchen) "oh Gem, I found a website with size 11 high heels!"

Me: (from the bedroom) " WOOHOO"

Housemate: (from the passageway) "Omg, that is why you 2 are so right for each other, I mean any other girlfriend would be asking why the hell you were looking at a site with high heels let alone a site with size 11 AND why the hell would you be interested in high heels!!"

This of course has us in such stitches as we hadn't even though of all that. It was just part of all larger conversation that we have had many a time esp when girls tend to go on about guys not understanding the pain that woman go through when wearing high heels...He doesn't think it is that hard walking around in heels since he has tried it before (lost a bet with a drag queen !!!) and is very much the kind of guy that would do it again to prove a point... and this I get so of course no explanation is needed and I just understand him and he understands me.

AND we are both a little (read very) strange - which i think is more what the housemate was getting at ! I suppose it is always fun when you can entertain* someone like we do with him :)

*we call it entertain and he calls it annoying ! its a win win situation in my head :)

We finally sat down and watched a movie, What happens in Las Vegas...I blame the housemate for this one, I think he was trying to get us back for something and therefore gave us a crap movie to watch. But no matter for the rest of the night was fantastic and made up for a the crap week.

And the rest of the weekend was enjoyed by doing as little as possible which was awesome. Breakfast at the little place we've been trying to go to for ages, Banners up in Crouch end...its always fully booked. And lounging in the park in the sun on a Sunday afternoon with a good book. What more could you ask for :)

And now back to work ...Monday down and only 3 more days of work till we are off to DOWNLOAD :)

Missing Friends

This week has been one of the hardest weeks for me since coming to London. At the beginning of the week it just hit me hard how much I miss my closest friends that are all back in Cape Town. I just really missed having their support - I know that i'll always have their support but it is different when you are halfway across the world. I miss that certain love and affection you get from those friends that are the closest to your heart, that know you inside out more then you probably know yourself. I know that I still have them and we will be there for each other for a very long time to come (i dont like to put the pressure of forever on relationships) but i just really FELT how far away they were this week. There are def situations that i really could do with having them around and for the moment they are nothing ever serious. It is always small situations like having to pop to the shops to return something alone....

So that is basically how i've been feeling this week...Alone.

But now it is Friday and thankfully the end to another VERY hectic work week of late nights and hectic deadlines. And I just have to say that I have the most wonderful bf* who can cheer up my day with the smallest things ... And so as a sweet happy ending to my week he posted me a packet of sweets called "midget gems" with a little note saying he thought of me when he saw them. This isnt your average romantic but i'll take it anyday over your classic romantic. Just a side note for people that dont know us... we live together and work about a 2 min walk from each other (we often have lunch together when not too busy) So for him to post me sweets that he bought and hid from me while we bought luch together is jsut so impractical but the perfect gesture that has made me so very happy !!

*Sorry for making you read about this online...but you really made a crap week all better...mwah!

Greenwich, Butterfly Blue & Pottery

On the weekend to enjoy the sunny Saturday we headed off to Greenwich Village on a touristy mission. We decided to really do the touristy thing and get there via the river boat as well. This was great even if we had to wait some time for a boat that wasnt full ! !
It really was a beautiful day to head off down the Thames in the sun with our biltong for the Saffa store in London bridge.

We wandered around the gardens and buildings of the royal Naval college, Trinity music college and Greenwich university. Then we headed up to the Greenwich park which was completely full of people enjoying the sun, picnicing and playing ball games! This is truely something that I'm not used to, it seem so community joining together in the park to worship the sun. I suppose it is kinda like Cape town on the beaches but it really does have a more united feel here.

Then there was the obligatory look at the greenwich mean line thing that divides the hemispheres. There was no way we were going inside the observatory to stand on it though since there was an insane queue to get near it to stand there and have a photo opportunity! Not thanks - we were so not in the fighting with crowds mood.

After more wondering around the park and the village and the markets we finally settled in a little pub for a traditional lunch of steak and Ale pie and Roast beef and yorkshire pudding.

Of course I did get some shopping in, in the market there (which is great...so many gift ideas!!) and have to tell you what I bought. I think it is such a great idea and bought into it whole heartedly. The company is Butterfly Blue and they create these beautiful buckles & belts. The concept is you have a black or brown leather belt and then all the buckles clip into that 1 belt. So you buy as many buckles as you want and then just have 1 belt strap. I loved this and really could decided which ones to get, so since there were 3 for the price of 2 on the buckles I landed up getting 3 buckles and both a black leather strap and a brown one. I just love the whole interchangeable concept and will def be getting some more buckles in the future. Check out the link...Butterfly Blue


Sunday saw the arrival of the rain ...which was fine since we were off for a day of pottery. I havent been to pottery in ages as I was seriously disconserted with the slowness of my work. i know that I hadnt done it in years but that was no reason why I should be so slow. But my doubts and fears of lack of talent went out the window this sunday as I created a vase that i'm really happy with from start to finish in one sitting. (well other then the firing and glazing of course) Now the question is whether I can get back into going every tuesday and not putting it off.... talking of that it is Tuesday and time to leave work and decide about going to pottery!

Party Weekend

I cant believe how fast the last week has gone and that i havent gotten any posts out! Especially since I've had a very eventful week at that.
Friday was a much better day mostly just because I decided that it was going to be and it was of course nearly weekend and we have a fun filled weekend ahead !!
We got some climbing in before heading out to see a workmate, Mrs Quiet's husbands band play. Climbing was at first frustrating and I was getting my confidence seriously shaken but then we found a set of routes that I really enjoyed and flashed my first 5A (I know that means very little to most of you out there but I was struggling with that grade and always had to struggle with it so was great to do it first time) Rushing off straight after that with the adrenaline pumping through my veins we headed back into central London.

The band, A Quiet Minute, who arent very quiet were great and since it was only their second live performance it was very impressive. But the big shock/gossip of the evening was when the 2 senior designers from work that had joined us made it very clear that they were now dating by very publicly snogging over the bar. Now that was entertaining. The evening as a whole was great, there was such a good vibe and C and I just enjoyed being in the moment together!

Saturday was a very late start since we had only crawled into bed at 4am. Mostly the day was just lounging around and C off playing shoot em up computer games with the housemate... this was until they then decided to finally hang up the coat rack. This was def a very entertaining experience ...boys are funny ! Firstly there is the whole debate about generally were the electrics are in the wall and the basically just decided to drill and see what happens. At least they did think to turn off the electricity. Then they proceed to have a great debate about how to hang the two pieces together. We havent hung it for almost a year now cause of missing pieces (washers) but strangely enough they now landed up with pieces left over. Now to position it. I would just like to point out that using the straight edge of a book to line up holes that are further apart then the spine of the book isnt a good idea ! but anyway. Being boys it was basically about using the power tools of course. The best part was when the housemate would just wander off with the torch and leave C drilling in the dark. This resulted in C finding his head torch which just looked hysterical!! So through the whole process I got to sit back and watch in fits of giggles.

We had plans to head off to a party at a club in town called Abacus which was organised by a bunch of Trinidadians of which one of my workmates is part of (him being Trinidadian and all). The committee that holds these parties once a month in London is called busspepper and seriously have a look at the website and head to one of their parties sometime. It was touch and go about whether we we going to go being all exhausted from the party the night before but we did land up going and having a fab time !! What a nice happy chilled out party vibe !! It was packed but everyone was SO friendly! It felt like the same vibe we would have partying in Cape Town. We had such a good time getting all hot and sweaty on the dance floor and got to be all ranchy and stuff - even tho C and I were so not ranchy compared to the grinding that the Carribean people like to do ! I was very impressed that we stayed at the club till 3am but hey time flies when your having fun !!

And sunday was pure recovery day and recharging for Korn the following night.... but that will have to be another blog soon :)

Teary Thursday

Well today started off badly! I got an email from Miss Unhinged and it was the most confusing toned email and upset me no end. I think that it was just a last straw after so many other events that i've ignored. She would throw in little "nice" comments between her tell me off for no reason. The 2 hour lunch came up again. She accused me of leaving things unnecessarily undone until her return to the office, and the main thing was to sit and do space plans and dont help other people or start 'networking' in the office. Basically she doesnt like me talking to anyone ! it drives me up the wall as I am a very social person and dont enjoy sitting infront of a computer all day and not saying a word to the people around me. I have had no complaints from them that it distracting them and they have actually said it makes it easy to approach me when wanting help.

I was just so angry and emotional! I hate being like that as I see it as a weakness so who knows what other people think. But i just knew that I couldnt let this one slide. I was planning to speak to my boss about it at some stage but as soon as I stepped into the office he just knew something was really wrong and approached me and I landed up showing just how upset I was which upset me even more.

Anyway we went for a long chat and a hot chocolate. (yes yes i know I failed to stay away from the chocolate today. But it truely was the most devine hot chocolate - or should I say chocolate soup!!! It was so insanely thick that I had to stir it the whole time to stop it from becoming solid. The place that serves this divine stuff is Apostrophe ) He was great and helped me work things out for myself and try and see all her side of things etc and teaching me methods for conflict resolution.

After that the day went pretty well as I got to have lunch bitch to Persia (Designer & friend that sits across from me) and then we also made plans to go shopping after work and retail therapy was def needed :)

Once Miss Unhinged got back to the office she was all sugar and sweetness and didnt even notice anything was upsetting me. (even tho post her being at work others were still noticing that something was up) For once I was able to calmly confront someone and bring up what was bothering me. We had a chat and it was all nice and stuff but now that she was all appologetic etc she still made me feel like i was over reacting and that it wasnt such a big deal.

Basically she STILL confuses the hell out of me and I HATE being all emotional! My boss says that I will become harder and that I just tend to be very feelings orientated even in the way I perceive other people. I'll learn to turn down the volume button on that when needed to.

He also confided in me that he has been given alot of negative feedback about her attitude and that she doesn't seem to have enough respect for the directors including him. So I don't feel so unvalidated in my feelings.

What an up and down day ...but ending on a good note with some much needed shopping in Zara and a few other stores :)

Pitch

So the pitch is overs, so the serious stress of the last 3 weeks is overs! So today was my first day attempting to cut down on chocolate. And it seems to be working out better then I thought. i broke down at about 11am and had a single minstrel (chocolate button type thing) It did however help that we were taken out by a lighting company to a 2 hour long lunch! so basically was at my desk for less hours of the day and therefore not being taunted by the bag of chocolate on my desk! 

But dispite my happy mood or because of it Miss Unhinged (my senior designer - who we work as a 'team') decided to ruin the afternoon with her insane demand, snide comments and general all around bad attitude. She seemed to be unhappy with the 2 hour lunch that "I" had decided to take and seemed to want to lash out at everyone around. I would just like to point out at this point that the lunch was a design dept event that both she and I rsvp'd to go and then she decided to take lunch with her boyfriend that she lives with anyways. I was at this lunch with my boss and he had no problem with us taking off some time for lunch after working so hard on the pitch. I am completely confused by here. So i landed up staying at work until 19:30 helping out the other design support guy as she had given him a whole load to do with a deadline of tonight and told him unequivocally not to leave until it was done! I dont understand her and sometimes i think she just enjoys the power trip! Not to mention that majority of the time I think she is just trying to hide her massive insecurities. 

Anyways - besides her multiple unhinged personalities she and I did happen to put together a great design for the pitch yesterday and the presentation as a whole including loads of work from the other departments was apparently one of the best presentations that the people in the company had ever seen done there. So at least we do seem to be producing some good work together - which is a good thing and it will mean winning more jobs and then getting better bonuses :) 

So that is enough of my ranting! Am def exhausted but in a much better mood then the one i left the office in thanks to the lovely bf and the housemate! They do make me laugh hysterically ! And we watched a cute little movie called Dedication which made you realise that there were alot more crazy unhinged (but in a good way) out there! But now am off to sleep land now to recharge the batteries and prepare for tomorrow afternoon (thankfully I will not have Miss unhinged designer in the office tmr morning). 

Chocolate Addiction

I have a problem, it is an addiction and I can't break the cycle. I am a chocolate addict! And of late it is all my bosses fault!

He started it all off by sharing his chocolate cravings with the design dept by coming in every afternoon with a bag of chocolate for everyone. Then once we were all used to the afternoon chocolate fest we would start demanding chocolate which meant that one of us would make a chocolate and sugary drinks run at least every second day.

For these chocolate runs we started putting together a whip for chocolate (explanation of whip click here) and it has evolved into a kitty of money that gets collected and kept for these occasions.

The main problem comes in with the fact that it has become my responsibility to keep the kitty and buy the chocolate which means that the chocolate stash sits on MY desk! This had lead to my outright addiction to chocolate and my inability to be able to go without chocolate even for a day.

As we have been seriously stressed out at the moment putting together a huge pitch presentation and design scheme the need for high energy sugar laden snacks has increased. This now means that I find it difficult to resist the 10 am chocolate snack to start the day off. And then by 8/9 pm when we have been knocking off work I've gone through about 4-6 chocolates.

But seriously after this pitch is out of my life (Wednesday) no more chocolates ..... Until easter that is, well I am only human and this is chocolate we are talking about :)

Role reversal

All my life I have had situations where I've admired and wanted to emulate things in people that were older then me, better then me at whatever etc. My first example is that in my late teens I had always picked people of about 23 to be in awe of. I thought that once you where about 23 you would have things sorted. Knew what you wanted to do with your life, finished studying or nearly finished. It felt like everyone I knew of that age just seemed so sorted.

Then suddenly I was nearly 23 and I didn't have a clue what I was doing, hadn't finished studying and was just working a full time job to earn cash to live in the now. I was still out causing trouble like a teen in my social life and generally having a ball tho. Then one night this 16 year old girl turned around and said that she hopes she is just like me when she is older as I have things so sorted.

I was completely shocked. There I was the girl that admired the older girls suddenly inspiring younger girls. But I didnt feel that different or that I had it any more sorted then I did when I was younger.

This strange role reversal happened to me again the other day....



When I started climbing I used to sit in the cafe area by the extremely high (to me) wall and watch the other lead climb. I loved to watch the female climbers and was in awe of what they could do and how graceful they were. I would sit there and tell myself that that is how I want to climb. I really didnt expect to be climbing so soon but we have come along fast we we started to lead climb only about 5 months after the first time we went climbing. It was New years Day and what a great moment. (see previous entry on starting climbing here)



So last week I did a lead climb on the high wall, about 15m (the highest in the climbing gyms of London I am told - see here for photo) The climb was challenging and I felt like I thugged my way up to the top. I was so exhausted from the whole afternoon climbing and had pumped out my arms on other routes. But I was still determined to finish this route 1st time so carried on hauling myself up the wall in what I thought was not my usual gracefulness.

Was completely exhausted and finished after that route and after watching friends climb and belaying a bit C and I decided to go home. Now this is the crux of my story - As I was getting my bag out of my locker the chick sitting my the lockers looked up and went 'oh hi, I was watching you climb up by the cafe and you did that so beautifully'. I was completely shocked. I'd forgotten that there would be people watching me from the cafe. I had actually blanked out the whole world and only the climb had mattered (I think this is one of the reasons I love climbing) But once again there was the role reversal. This was a chick who had just started climbing and was in awe of me and my climbing skills. Even when I didnt think I was at the level that I admired someone else did. I find it all very surreal.