The trouble with jogging is that the ice falls out of your glass.

I felt like having a random title today.

So this is week 6 of joint pains... luckily the pain has gone down from an 8/10 to a 2/10 which is a huge improvement to my life. I've been on steriods for the last 14 days and am off to see the doctor to discuss things tomorrow. Am really hoping that this is now just going to get better and better. I think that it really helped that on thursday morning last week I put my foot down at work and said that I really cant use my hands too much which means NO cad work. Now i'm just trying to take the whole mouse work easy. I think the hands have been the most frustrating. Just how everything hurts ones hands - every position that you put them in hurts. And the fact that all the things you like to do involve your hands.

We are heading off to portland this weekend for a meetup climbing group trip. 18 climbers are going all in all. And I still have no idea if i'm going to be able to climb at all - let alone do some of the more hectic walk ins. I've been a bit stressed by this but sorted that out by joining Streetcar car club and therefore we will have a car of our own. So I can head off to chill somewhere in the sun if I cant walk in etc. Otherwise I'll mostly just be chilling at the bottom of the cliffs watching everyone enviously and running round taking pics... oh yeah and maybe i'll get to do some reading as that has been impossible due to not being able to hold books. But most importantly i'm really looking forward to being in the sun by the sea!

Lastly for this post today I just have to share the fact that I've converted C's ex into my fan... While getting her home very drunk on Sat night she had this to say:

ex: " i have no idea what you must have thought of me when you met me. I know, that i'm a bitch. I was a bitch. I just really really wanted to hate you .... but you are just too nice! I cant hate you."

LOL - all I can do is laugh. At least things are all cool now. And her wedding wont be uncomfortable now.

Still in pain

So it is 12 days later and here i'm sitting still in pain - a bit less but pain none the less. This is honestly getting to be too much. I dont really have any good answers even tho i'm seeing specialists that cost fortune (thanks to private health insurance i'm not paying for) and I getting medication to try to SEE if it could be joint pain related to infection in my intestines. My brain is getting very befuddled by this all and my moods are pretty befuddled as well. I dont think i'm going to be able to right much as this is really hurting my hands. It seems that they have become the worse part. But i think that is alot to do with going back to work and useing them again. All the mouse work etc. My boss was really sweet and went and bought me heated hand guards for arthritis pain and my other collegue gave me his track ball mouse. but it is still really hard and a day at work now sees me struggling home and curling up to sleep because the pain in my hands is just unbearable. Then there are the people at work that see me working and dont think that i must be in pain cause well i'm there and working so what could be wrong *note the annoyance to that line of thinking. I'm so sorry that i'm good at putting a brave face on things. I reckon that I do not wish to appear weak.

I dont know how i'm going to get through this week if things dont change.

And now that i'm pretty "disabled" by pain all i can think about is the things i want to be doing, like climbing and using my bike as transport, stuff that i want to do with friends, holidays etc. Even my usual net surfing and home computing had come to a halt.

I have a climbing weekend coming up in 2 weeks and really REALLY dont want to be like this come then.

Also it is amazing what you take for granted. and what it is like when doing even the simpilist things are difficult.

And finally i just have to say it is horrid not even being able to hold your partners hand properly cause it hurts.

well i have to stop now and this may not have been the best idea to type as more pain is setting in. but i honestly need to get some of this stuff out my head.

Pain...

Ok enough already with this pain...i'm up to here with having to deal with it all day long. This is exhausting and I want my life back!

But will have to wait until next wednesday for the verdict after having an ultrasound of my hands (how weird is that !??!)

well this is all my hands can handle for now...

p.s. i really do have the most amazing partner in my bf!

A few pics from the hundreds that I took in Paris!

back from my little jaunt in Paris

I still cant get over that I could just pop over to paris for a 4 day weekend... this is just what I did. I tagged along with Mish and her man - well I welcomed them to London before ushering us all onto the Eurostar over to Paris.

It was a mad 4 days and I'm absolutely wreaked at the moment. My joints where sore last week but only slightly and I wasnt worrying about them. But now after a strenous on the body time in Paris they are even worse. I've now had a full week of sore joints. I'm just tired of being in pain. It isnt the nice I've been excersizing and now ache somewhat (for excersize read climbing) It is this dull ache in my joints that has sharp stabbing pain every now and then. I'm walking around so carefully as to not hurt them too much and making sure that i dont twist them out of place too much.

I've def hit a low energy point and also keep passing out - which is so not good ! i need a holiday to get over my holiday! it also didnt help that I was working late every day to prepare for the time off.

I'll have to write a paris specific blog post and capture some of the memories here and try post some of my pictures... I have hundreds, was starting to get mor creative with my GORGEOUS camera. I really cant thank C enough for picking such an awesome camera (and the Ginger Ninja for confirming his choice!)

I've also had a weird inner head space at the moment. I've been making a few realisations at the moment which is always interesting to me. Maybe they are things that everyone already knows about me and maybe not. But i've realised that I am actually pretty much a loner in my head. I think this may be from being an only child. To everyone I am a very friendly and open etc person but sometime I really do just like to retreat into my mind. I've never really needed anyone to be there with me. I'm very happy to be all alone by myself with my thoughts. I've come to realise that I dont need to be alone to be able to do this. I can be surrounded by people but still feel very much by myself which is wierd. Maybe this is how C and I survived living in 1 room for so long.

I did realise that since i've been away without him twice in the last little while that I really dont like it. And its not for the usuual reasons I dont think. I mean i'm perfectly capable and fine to travel without him and alone etc. I have no fear of going places by myself etc. But I realised that he is in my head space and that I need him there for that. And this is a first that I realise that someone else is in my headspace so much. He really can read me like no other! and that is scary in so many ways.

I've also had no ties to a place being a home. Like a certain house or city or country. It is always the people around that make the home for me. If I have the reight people around then I feel content and that is safe and home like. Home right now is very much the space that C and I share where ever that is. It is great to now have a physical space to represent that though.

Ohhhh speaking of which, our couch is arriving on saturday. I just cant wait. I really hate sitting on this hard futon (i think i have mentioned this before.) The things that I really wanted to splash out on were a matress and a couch. The 2 places i need to have a happy house. I'm not really good at personal decisions (ok i'm terrible) so this was quite the decision to make. But i think that i've def made the right choice. We went for a made to order couch to our sizes wanted with a chaise lounge that can swop from one side to the other (always good to have fexibility) It also has a solid sofa bed mechanisim that has a sprung matress. And I got to pick the fabric ....Aubergine microsuede. So will post a pic as soon as we have it :) Cant wait !

That is enough for tonight... am off to crawl into bed with my gorgeous bf !

Oh yeah and here is hoping that the joints are somewhat better tmr!