Disconected

So am feeling pretty disconnected with things at the moment. Am definitely feeling very disconnected to my blog at the moment, it feels to overwhelming to try and put alot of the things into words sometimes. I suppose I would always only write once things had really built up and just need to come out.

Work is being a bit shit at the moment and well I just feel even more disconnected from actually wanting to do anything with my role there. Mostly because it has become a bit stagnant and that is out of my control. The one fairly good thing is that I have designed our intranet setup and it has been signed off and should be launched soon - well that is if i get time in my work day to actually perfect it. Not that I'm getting any time for it. But they are apparently kicking a little extra in my paycheck for it. But now they want me to design their full global corporate site and well that scares the shit out of me but could be a good opportunity to advance my skills and broaden myself. But i'm already burning out somewhat.

I've really been trying to turn around the things in my life i'm not happy about and I found a course that was specifically about self management of life with regards alot to living with long term conditions. It has been really hard to keep myself from getting too down about the pain I'm in and how weak I feel at the moment. I had a realization that I really DO NOT like to be perceived. It is very important to make sure that we do not concentrate our energy on how we think other people perceive and start to believe it. Also we must make sure that we control our own perception of ourselves.

Strangely enough the people in the course that i'm taking see me as a very together person that has amazing knowledge and things sorted. Well I must say that yes alot of the stuff on the course I've already looked at and researched etc but obviously I dont have it ALL together if I signed up and took this course. I have realised that I am alot better off then many people and I just amazingly lucky to have such a supportive partner, I know I didnt have one before and so hope that I can keep showing my appreciation for all the little things that mean the world to me. I hope to be much stronger in the future and to always provide just as much support the other way. Of course we dont have everything sorted but it is so good to have a great base and good communication to start with. So compared with the others my home is my sanctury and my protection. I do not have to rage battles (other then in my own head) inside the quiet that is home. This I'm so thankfully for.

But am still feeling disconnected. I feel disconnected with my body because of the pain and the medication that i'm putting into it. Thankfully I've stopped taking the one medication that was seriously disconnecting me from everything. I think this may all still be from that and it will get better the longer I'm off it. BUT am still settling into the other medication so am more sore at the moment. I think the lack of good sleep due to pain isnt helping either.

Am also disconnected from friends that are going through tough times at the moment. I've tried to be a bit influence in a situation/intervention with a friend that has worked thanks to the time and energy and emotion that my mom has put into it and plugging into some of the strong emotions i've been dealing with in regard to it all. She is finally for the first time in 11 years dealing with all the damage that has happened to her and that she has done to herself. It is amazing to hear the battle that she is going through and doing so well. I'm SO proud of her!!! But I still feel like a failure as a best friend for being so far away and so disconnected and so afraid of confrontation.

I'm also so unable to be there for another close friend who has just had to go through the death of her father which is just so scarily close to home and all that. I hope that she is surviving and that it gets easier for her. I wish sometimes that I wasnt so far away from my closest friends.

So other then all that I still have my wonderfully stable and understanding C ...who is my rock and I really dont know what I would do without. and so like my fellow blogger Benny I'm going to keep trying to focus on the positives....

My wonderful bf
Our random trip to another city just for the night to see a band (its a surprise ...so more laters)
Going back to Cape town for a holiday in like 3 and a bit weeks!!
Going to Namibia to best guy mates wedding on the beach !! WHOO HOO
Hanging out with the friends in Namibia and some climbing in Namibia
THE HEAT!! So hopefully not as painful joints!!
Bonus coming in next pay check
Didnt have to go grocery shopping this week because we just had our weekly shop delivered to our door tonight. yay! less hassle for me.
And it is nearly friday and then therefore nearly the weekend!! Double yay.

And that is it for now... going to try keep the happy positive thoughts going. 

Downtime...

I need some!

Seems like i'm either rushing around or planning to rush around these days, and it isnt stopping. If i'm not physically busy then i'm also mentally busy - i really need some downtime where i can just shut off my brain. It is also getting hard to shut it off at night and i land up going to bed way too late and feeling crap in the morning. Need to find a better routine here. Not much is going to change for at least the next month tho. Plus things got a little interesting at work and i'm try to concentrate on that and make the most of the opportunities and not get stuck in the boring hole that is full time cad monkey stuff.

I'm def battling to keep at bay that overwhelmed feeling like everything is just piling up and i'm not getting through what i want to. I keep telling myself that it is just my perception and that it is all manageable and as usual i'll make my way through things and come out fine on the other side.

I read a post on Po's blog a little while ago and it was all about blogging and why ...well it really struck home for me and am feeling the smae way about it all. this has become a vanity blog as C calls it and i was writing alot of the time for the readers that i've gathered... I really wonder sometimes what they get out of reading this blog if they dont actually know me in real life. I know that C finds it interesting as things may come up that i've not shared with him. But mostly he must find it weird to read stuff from this perspective esp about things that he did with me. I've been asked a few time why do i blog - mostly by people that do interact in the blog world. But I still cant really answer them. I have no idea why I blog other then the fact like right now I'm sitting here in my lounge pouring out the random activity in my brain and just letting my fingers type away. I know that i'll feel calmer after this.

I did start my blog originally to blurb stuff out there and it was all very abstract stuff that even the people that knew me and read it did quite get what i was on about. I liked that and it would be nice to get back to something like that. i do know that i'm not explaining comment i make on here to other people anymore. Maybe that will help to not hold me back from letting stuff out there. Because I do really need a release sometimes. I know i cant always expect C to listen to ALL my shit... :)

I also had a very random request from a reader of my blog to write a post about Mallorca. I was very amused, shocked, interested by this. It was just so random and flattering in a way. i wasnt planning on writing anything about the last trip since it was very bitter sweet with me just heading out there to check on my brother and see how he is handling life etc. It was wonderful to see him and also very sad. I didnt have much Mallorca stuff to blog since as goes my brothers life we only saw the bar between his flat and the beach and the actual beach.

NOTE to reader with this request: I have travelled there quite a few times before. I would check the travel tag on my blog, also check the archives Dec 07, april 08 and i think sept 07.
here is a quick list of my fav things there:

• the cathedral (i love these in any city but this one is quite beautiful and a bit "gothic" as well)

• Illetas beach (this is where my bro lives and is one of the most beautiful little beaches) from the centre of Palma take the no 3 bus i think. it runs along the peseo de born past the cathedral.

• the old town of palma is great to walk around. In the old town area to the west of Peseo de born (near the circle) there are loads of great local clubs and bars and yachty hang outs. I forget all the names right now - i'll try remember and post later.

• The main run of "tourist" clubs are along the waterfront. On of the more local flavour clubs is made in brazil (here is the map position) All the club are there abouts. The big chains are there as well like Puro beach etc. But be careful as things can get raudy and the Spainish culture has no problems with pushing and shuving and getting into your personal space - DO NOT get offended by it. I've also seen some worse fights in those clubs then i have here in London and that is saying something.

• I would also suggest a visit to the Castle as it is a lovely piece of work. One of the only truely round castles of the time. It also has the most amazing 360 degree views of Palma.

• My other suggestion is to hire a car for a trip around the island. It is a very small island and it is possible to drive from one side to the other across the middle in 30 mins! We took our time driving up the coast and around the country side. Some of my fav towns are Deia, Valldemossa, Port de pollensa (from this town the drive out to the lighthouse on the very tip of the peninsula is awesome scenery)

Note about the driving - it can be very scary. I loved it but my bf calls me Colin after the rally driver. They stopped marking to the hairpin bends cause there are just so many of them. Treat every corner like it is going to keep turning and it will be fine. The roads in the country side are seriously tiny so watch out for on coming cars. Plus they drive on the right side of the road - so that is the opposite to normal for me and that takes some getting used to. But after all that it was the best way to explore the island and i had great fun driving around. Esp when I got stuck behind some REALLY nervous tourist drivers who where only driving at 5 kms an hour (am not exagerating! what should have been 10 minutes drive turned into and hour! )

• The other bit that I love about Mallorca is the climbing but i dont know if that is your thing.??

That is all I have energy to write for tonight

Hope you have a great trip there! I think i'll be off to Paris around that time...cant wait!

Ok now i'm exhausted and happily off to a warm bed (and need to get blood into my numb ass from the futon that i hate! but we will soon have a gorgeous couch...more on that laters too)

ARG

TOO much work, TOO much pain, TOO much stress...NOT a happy bunny am I.

Well last week consisted of some late nights of work and some very early mornings to work for me. And mad pressure to get a presentation together. Thankfully it was worth it since we did win the job.

Work has just been flat out and there is no letting up. My weekends now consist of me sleeping 12 hours each night and basically only being able to get myself out for 1 outing per weekend. PATHETIC ...and NO FAIR! So now i'm just counting down the days until I dont have to think about work for 30 days...19 days to go !!! Well technically 18 since today is mostly done.

Plus working flat out is pretty difficult if you've had a migraine since yesterday.

oh well,

that is all i can say for now...sorry for the ramble

Cow Economics

I just love this bit C found on the internets this weekend....

SOCIALISM
You have 2 cows.
You give one to your neighbour.

COMMUNISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and gives you some milk.

FASCISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and sells you some milk.

NAZISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both and shoots you.

BUREAUCRATISM
You have 2 cows.
The State takes both, shoots one, milks the other, and then throws the milk
away…

TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell one and buy a bull.
Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows.
You sell them and retire on the income.

SURREALISM
You have two giraffes.
The government requires you to take harmonica lessons

AN AMERICAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You sell one, and force the other to produce the milk of four cows.
Later, you hire a consultant to analyse why the cow has dropped dead.

ENRON VENTURE CAPITALISM
You have two cows.
You sell three of them to your publicly listed company, using letters of
credit opened by your brother-in-law at the bank, then execute a debt/equity
swap with an associated general offer so that you get all four cows back, with
a tax exemption for five cows.
The milk rights of the six cows are transferred via an intermediary to a
Cayman Island Company secretly owned by the majority shareholder who sells the
rights to all seven cows back to your listed company.
The annual report says the company owns eight cows, with an option on one
more.
You sell one cow to buy a new president of the United States , leaving you
with nine cows.
No balance sheet provided with the release.
The public then buys your bull.

A FRENCH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You go on strike, organise a riot, and block the roads, because you want three
cows.

A JAPANESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and
produce twenty times the milk.
You then create a clever cow cartoon image called ‘Cowkimon’ and market it
worldwide.

A GERMAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You re-engineer them so they live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk
themselves.

AN ITALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows, but you don’t know where they are.
You decide to have lunch.

A RUSSIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You count them and learn you have five cows.
You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
You count them again and learn you have 2 cows.
You stop counting cows and open another bottle of vodka.

A SWISS CORPORATION
You have 5000 cows. None of them belong to you.
You charge the owners for storing them.

A CHINESE CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You have 300 people milking them.
You claim that you have full employment, and high bovine productivity.
You arrest the newsman who reported the real situation.

AN INDIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
You worship them.

A BRITISH CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Both are mad.

AN IRAQI CORPORATION
Everyone thinks you have lots of cows.
You tell them that you have none.
No-one believes you, so they bomb the **** out of you and invade your country.
You still have no cows, but at least now you are part of Democracy….

AN AUSTRALIAN CORPORATION
You have two cows.
Business seems pretty good.
You close the office and go for a few beers to celebrate.

A NEW ZEALAND CORPORATION
You have two cows.
The one on the left looks very attractive.

Slipping and sliding...

So want to hear the STUPID thing that happened this morning?..

I walked out our gate turned onto the pavement and heel of shoe slipped and down I went. I was seriously taken by surprise. This is a first for me...I dont fall down much, i'm not clumsy and I have a great sense of balance. But this morning there was just no stopping me going down. It happened so fast ! I know that I realised that my heel was slipping but this does happen, but I never actually go down. I was walking and then I was lying on the ground! It was that fast. My hand did get out enough to stop me from really slamming into the pavement but now it is slightly grazed and my elbow is sore from the shock it took.

I obviously picked myself up just as fast ...shot a look around to see if anyone had seen it ...and just my luck yes there was the cleaner that had finally cleaned all the slippery mulshy leave up (yet I did come asunder on those?!?!)

Now here is the kicker of the story... He decided that he had to tell me that I was wearing the wrong shoes! and proceded to LECTURE me on this fact ! I tried to walk past quickly and get away from the scene but to no avail - he was now following me!! So what could i do but stop and listen to his lecture since he was not going to be put off.

Street cleaner: Those are the wrong shoes. You shouldnt be wearing those heels!

Me: I have to for work, I work in the city and it is very corporate (while walking past as carefully and as quickly as possible)

SC: (running after me) Well then you should be wearing shoes like these (pointing at his leather construction steel toed boots with hiking type soles) and change them at work into those high heels.

Me: But this is the first time it has happened to me

SC: If it had been below zero last night you could have broken something now when you fell and then you would be off work for months. Its not worth it.

Finally I admit that i'm not used to the weather and the semantics of the shoes versus the pavement as I was from South Africa... That seemed to explain it all and he just went "Ahhhhh" and went back to his work.

How embarassing !!

Reasons my bf makes me laugh ....

Highgate Cemetry

So this is kinda one of the catch up blogs that i've got to write. I'm not really up to writing loads as my brain is a little slow this week after the hecticness that was last week and the hangover that was yesterday !!

So I wanted to share some of the pictures I took in Highgate cemetry. After a very boring weekend on a Sunday afternoon C suggested that we finally head off for a tour of the cemetry. Have wanted to do this since stumbling apon it when walking home drunk with Mr & Dr Intelectual & C. Dr and I wanted to scale the fence and got exploring at like 11pm. But we decided against it...

anyway so here are the pics cause I cant seem to type and spell today so no more words.

Regular posts ?!?! I try

I open up blogger everyday with the aim to write something most days...I actually even have stuff to write about since so much is going on at the moment...but i just cant seem to steal enough of a moment to sit and write it all down. And this annoys me so much !!

So anyway this is only a little update !

Last week was CRAZY!! work was insane and involved running around to quite a few sites - one being all the way up in leisester (so cant spell that!) which involved hours of train travel ... which was all well and good if I didnt have to rush back down to london and the office to drop everything off and then rush off to hyde park to see Jack Johnson in concert. It was all worth it tho as it turned into a lovely sunny blue skied evening (compared to the cold grey day it was before) and he was just great - what a wonderful evening...

Much more running around happened last week to try do some shopping for the impending hen weekend away. It was pretty much all a waste of time and I just landed up living with the clothes that I have...other then a very cool new grey/silver waistcoat...such a daring buy for me and i'm so happy.

So from friday morning to Sunday evening it was all about the hen party and travelling to and from Manchester for it. So in other words loads more hours spent on the trains!!

Much more to write about the hen weekend...but that is going to have to come another time as i seriously have to go off and work now... have managed to con a day off work to spend with one of my best friends for her birthday...she is also only in london for a short while - so and going to have to make the most of it. But this means that I have to get all of todays work and tomorrows work done today !!! ARG

Lazy

Ok so i'm going to admit it ,....i'm being lazy at the moment. There i've said it. I've so enjoyed the last 2 weekends of being lazy ! but no i'm getting restless. It really doesnt help that the weeks are so hectic that I just want to be lazy on the weekends but it is getting to me as well. I get into the lazy pattern and just stay there. And the tv is a great distracter (ok so the spell check doesnt like that work but i'm making it up anyway!) ! Plus C is obsessed with House so happily added to the general laid back feeling - not that i'm complaining at all! I've loved these lazy weekends...but they are to end very very soon...as in tmr! This is going to be a crazy week as I'm off shopping for the weekend tmr. I've got to head up country on Wednesday and then rush back down to london and to hyde park for jack johnson. Thursday is huge furniture launch party, and friday I head off in the morning to Manchester for Dr Intellectuals hen party all weekend ! Then sunday one of my best friends is arriving for a visit - WHOO HOOO!!!

Crazy I tell you!

Anyways... so for a little catch up - Last thursday I headed off to a exhibition created by Phillips lighting whereby they gave a shipping container to a design/architecture firm - 8 in total - and told them they had free rein to create a installation it just hate to deal with light. It was def a very different night out and so brilliant to have done it with Trendy and her bf (my team leader) Mr Nice/Hard. They have the driest, sarcastic & blackest humour I know and I love it. They have me in stitches most of the time. They are the best to do shows with and they take nothing seriously ...except getting as much food and booze out of the night. Through the entire speeches they were cracking jokes and ripping off the speakers and we were standing there giggling our heads off. Then then after an attempt at a dance show the containers opened for viewing. By the time we had gotten to the 2nd container we were sure that we were going to be thrown out ! This container was lined with thousands of LED bulbs that came on when you moved your hand over the fabric infront of them. While everyone else was gently standing there and waving their hands around....we were jumping around trying to make body prints and bum prints and boobs prints...creating havoc at the back of the container. This attitude continued as we went through all the installations as well as ripping to shreads the concepts....I was SO much fun. They are just such a lovely couple and so suited and make you feel so at ease (again the reason I'm so happy I moved over to their team) Even Iranian Princess/Sample Queen loosened up and was talking about hot sex by the end of the night.

Here is an image of the only installation that we really liked

<--------------

And a little video as well...

Random moments yesterday:

1) while walking to site with new project manager he comments that I must get tired of striding on heels to keep with the guys... I was so surprised and just replied truthfully that that was how i normally walk on heels so no I dont get tired of it. LOL

2) as piling everything out of my carpet bag styled handbag last night to find the painkillers that i knew were somewhere inside C comments how amoungst all the girlly handbag stuff there is a 5m construction style tape measure !

Sad moment... Just found out that my little cousin is heading into surgery today as he has landed up with his 2nd collaspsed lung this year! So am sending out all the positive healing vibes I can today !!!

Boring Frustrating days

My brain is goop again ...damn work :P

I had all these things i had planned that I was going to write etc. But now i'm just too annoyed and frstrated and have been dealing with too many annoying people today who wont do what I'm asking them to do - seriously how hard is it to just send me one file...or better yet just be able to tell me the answer to my simple question over the phone so that i can get my job done and draw the damn thing up. Plus i'm just too hacked off and all sorts today .... And now the flippin printer has lost my print job - arg!

So I had a weekend off and didnt do anything !! was great! didnt leave the house or do anything too serious. was wonderful. I made scones on Saturday - they were very yummy !!! if i say so myself. And watched House (the series) and a few movies along the way. Got myself addicted to Scrapblog and am loving it. Finally signed up for my valentines day gift of a membership with LoveFilm...and the first movie has arrived already - may have to watch it tonight as it is a cute happy soppy chick flick...sorry C !!!

So talking about C... This is another graphic I made on the weekend with scrapblog.

Can you tell I love this man? LOL

ARG!!!!

I want to be back in Amsterdam enjoying the sun and the relaxing and the...lifestyle !!

Work has not been good to me today. I came back from holiday to both Trendy and Mr Nice/Hard (our team leader) being off on holiday in Snowdonia. This would be all well and good if i didnt just have Trendy's work to do but now I was roped into helping on MR NIce/Hard's urgent pitch work which involved me having to pull finishes together from no where with a very loose brief and no time to order more samples. ARG!! Its been insane. Now i'm just supposed to run with these without anyones approval to put them into the visuals for this huge client !! ARGG!! TOoo much responsibility!

So anyway finally got as much as I could get down ...was exhausting and my attention span was down at zero again! I just flippin hope he likes it all tmr as the pitch needs to be pulled together tmr and they fly off with it on Thursday first thing. I can jsut see myself helping tmr and it being another late night.

Now that that is done and it is now 18:00 I still have to get the work that Trendy needs finished done...so its a late one for me...So i shall get back to it!

Our vegetarian housemate's sense of Humour

Hair Dressers

Ok so I need to know am I the only female that doesn't actually like going to the hair dresser? So far my whole life I've felt like I truly am the only one that does not enjoy it and tends to dread having to go through the whole thing.

I did find one guy that I could handle and that was mostly I think cause he was just so unusual and had a very different none commercial salon in the trendy Kloof neck rd area. But that hair cut cost me a fortune and you had to get him on a good coke taking day (maybe why he was so entertaining) On good days I've never had my hair so perfectly cut and so painstakingly made perfectly straight at the bottoms. On the bad days I would land up with the wonkiest fringe!

But again I got carried away about him. But it is more then that. I hate the whole salon visit:
the consultation of what you want to do with your hair and what colour you want to dye it, the dying process, the hair washing process, the cutting process, the blow drying process and finally the "show back of hair with a mirror and exclaim that your happy" process.

As many times as I've tried to get a hair dresser to tell me what they think would suit me best is as many times as they have tactfully declined any inspired advice and have just landed up giving me what I asked for...which wasn't what I asked for! I want their opinion not the opinion that they think I want to hear cause that I how I've been doing my hair for years. I've even tried the I need a change and I normally get such a half cocked opinion that I cant even be bothered and just ask for a trim. Or I get advice like the previous time where when choosing a dark brown she told me that it was too dark for my skin tone...umm... I am naturally dark brown you stupid cow!

But I have to say the fault lies with me as well. I find hair dressers unapproachable. Maybe is has something to do with sitting in the chair as they loom over me. Maybe is has to do with the fact that how can you communicate face to face with someone through a mirror - i think it creates such a barrier! I also feel like they don't really listen or should I say comprehend what I'm saying. On Saturday you could have swore we spoke completely different languages. Mostly cause I had a proper command of English and didn't finish each sentence with "innit?"

Then there is the hair dying that involves dry hair being combed and pulled in every different direction while the cold dye is painted all over your scalp and mushed into the remainder of your hair. Also pulling on hair with rubber gloves isn't very pleasant on the scalp! After that you get left alone with crappy out of date magazines (all hello, heat and ok, gossip mags) and you get to sit for an hour watching the colour that you not sure about get darker and darker while wondering if they really are timing this and they are not leaving it too long to make all your hair fall out. Luckily on sat I bought my book along to save me from the sad magazines.

And now for the part that EVERYONE else but me enjoys...the hair washing! Everyone I know loves the whole head massaging, warm water, having your hair washed for you. I hate it - always have and think always will! I cant stand other people pulling at my hair, hurting my scalp ( I think I must have a very sensitive one!) They never seems to get the water to my liking...I like it extremely hot! anything luke warm actually just makes me cold (I do have a strange body temp) I cant stand the massage as the person grabs hair as she does it and digs the occasional finger nail into my head. Then there is the sitting there with your head back staring at the ceiling wondering where to put your eyes. And they are not the most comfortable chair either, plus I have no idea where to put my arm. Now comes the really embarrassing bit...where they always ask me to sit right back in the chair to get your neck into the basin. This is all well and good if I wasn't already sitting as far back as possible. I'm just short ok !!! I had to sit on top of towels until I was about 17 !!! embarrassment deluxe!

The rest of the experience is all more of the same thing...pulling and hurting and pushing head in all different directions until my neck hurts. Dragging the comb down the back of my neck until the skin is raw! And with the hair drying is it all the more of the same but with heat thrown in! They always seem to blow dry my hair so that the front bits are constantly falling in my face and it is so soft that I cant even tuck it behind me ear. And of course having to divulge your life for them as they ask you endless questions to start conversation. I don't really want to tell you all of this!

Then of course I feel obliged to say that I love it while they are swiveling the small mirror to show you the back so fast you cant even see what they did. And all cause your done , your outta her,,, scram ...oh no but no until the whole bill paying experience where you are charged for the dye, wash, treatment, cut and the blow dry (even tho you said you didn't want the blow dry !!) Now there is the whole dilemma of do you tip the hair washer?!?! Now for me I hated every minute of it and I've just paid a whack of money to the salon and I still have to pay their employees more... I just don't get it.

So tell me please - how do people love going to the hair dresser?

Chocolate Addiction

I have a problem, it is an addiction and I can't break the cycle. I am a chocolate addict! And of late it is all my bosses fault!

He started it all off by sharing his chocolate cravings with the design dept by coming in every afternoon with a bag of chocolate for everyone. Then once we were all used to the afternoon chocolate fest we would start demanding chocolate which meant that one of us would make a chocolate and sugary drinks run at least every second day.

For these chocolate runs we started putting together a whip for chocolate (explanation of whip click here) and it has evolved into a kitty of money that gets collected and kept for these occasions.

The main problem comes in with the fact that it has become my responsibility to keep the kitty and buy the chocolate which means that the chocolate stash sits on MY desk! This had lead to my outright addiction to chocolate and my inability to be able to go without chocolate even for a day.

As we have been seriously stressed out at the moment putting together a huge pitch presentation and design scheme the need for high energy sugar laden snacks has increased. This now means that I find it difficult to resist the 10 am chocolate snack to start the day off. And then by 8/9 pm when we have been knocking off work I've gone through about 4-6 chocolates.

But seriously after this pitch is out of my life (Wednesday) no more chocolates ..... Until easter that is, well I am only human and this is chocolate we are talking about :)

Role reversal

All my life I have had situations where I've admired and wanted to emulate things in people that were older then me, better then me at whatever etc. My first example is that in my late teens I had always picked people of about 23 to be in awe of. I thought that once you where about 23 you would have things sorted. Knew what you wanted to do with your life, finished studying or nearly finished. It felt like everyone I knew of that age just seemed so sorted.

Then suddenly I was nearly 23 and I didn't have a clue what I was doing, hadn't finished studying and was just working a full time job to earn cash to live in the now. I was still out causing trouble like a teen in my social life and generally having a ball tho. Then one night this 16 year old girl turned around and said that she hopes she is just like me when she is older as I have things so sorted.

I was completely shocked. There I was the girl that admired the older girls suddenly inspiring younger girls. But I didnt feel that different or that I had it any more sorted then I did when I was younger.

This strange role reversal happened to me again the other day....



When I started climbing I used to sit in the cafe area by the extremely high (to me) wall and watch the other lead climb. I loved to watch the female climbers and was in awe of what they could do and how graceful they were. I would sit there and tell myself that that is how I want to climb. I really didnt expect to be climbing so soon but we have come along fast we we started to lead climb only about 5 months after the first time we went climbing. It was New years Day and what a great moment. (see previous entry on starting climbing here)



So last week I did a lead climb on the high wall, about 15m (the highest in the climbing gyms of London I am told - see here for photo) The climb was challenging and I felt like I thugged my way up to the top. I was so exhausted from the whole afternoon climbing and had pumped out my arms on other routes. But I was still determined to finish this route 1st time so carried on hauling myself up the wall in what I thought was not my usual gracefulness.

Was completely exhausted and finished after that route and after watching friends climb and belaying a bit C and I decided to go home. Now this is the crux of my story - As I was getting my bag out of my locker the chick sitting my the lockers looked up and went 'oh hi, I was watching you climb up by the cafe and you did that so beautifully'. I was completely shocked. I'd forgotten that there would be people watching me from the cafe. I had actually blanked out the whole world and only the climb had mattered (I think this is one of the reasons I love climbing) But once again there was the role reversal. This was a chick who had just started climbing and was in awe of me and my climbing skills. Even when I didnt think I was at the level that I admired someone else did. I find it all very surreal.

Ads, Cheating and UK men

As I was travelling to work this morning and standing on my home tube station platform with nothing else to do but read the large poster avertisments. I think it was one of the first times that I was truely shocked and sickened by an ad. And the sad thing is that I don't think it was trying to be shocking at all!
It was an ad for a used car dealership (I think) and basically was saying that this guy has a long face cause his wife is nagging for a new car but he went down and bought a great used car and saved a bundle of money.
Ok right so far it is your usual stereotyped ad nothing too shocking. But now the last line of the poster say that you now have some extra money to go on a naughty weekend away to Paris... With the girlfriend!
No wonder most of the morals of the men here in the uk are fucked up with this blaise attitude to cheating! I can tell you that if I look at the men in our office as a model of the men in the uk then 80 percent of men will not give a second thought to their wives as they cheat on them. Or girlfriends for that matter that happen to have their children as well.
I am always amazed at the ease at which these guys will flirt and cheat but now I see that maybe it isn't just the guys fault but the fact that it seems to be so socially acceptable!
No wonder females here can be so insecure and attempt to be so controlling which is a vicious cycle as that drives the guys more away from the girlfriends and wife into the easy flirting cheating way.

Postsecret

One of the most interesting sites that i've read as well as the whole concept which has lead to books and seminars etc is one of the most simple yet effective ideas. This is the postsecret site.
I love to visit the blog and scroll endlessly through the thoughts of other people. I came across this one and I related to it the most that day.

I think that this is why I love climbing so much - just the idea that I could fall and feel it without actually dying as such. When I tell people that i'm afraid of heights not because of the idea that I could fall but because of secretly wanting to fall I normally get very strange looks!

I think that anyone could find one little postcard on postsecret to relate to and it always makes you fell less alone in this world.

Noisy Neighbour

Ok I swear I cannot for the life of me figure out what the lady upstairs does when she is at home!! She seems to strut up and down the apartment and stomping around like a freaking elephant. And then there are the days like tonight where it sounds like she is dragging furniture around and dropping it every 5 minutes!

There are moments that I think that the ceiling is going to come down it is shaking so much. And lately she has caused such violent vibrations with the movements that the glass in our windows down here is rattling in the window frames !!

Seriously this is just TOO much - SHUT THE FUCK UP ! I seriously think that this is way more annoying then loud music or othe usual noise from neighbours.

I've started having these moments when i try and dream up what she is actually doing. I'm thinking that she has serious OCD and has to rearrange the furniture for psychological reasons otherwise she cant leave the room. Another theory is that she is a serrial killer and murders people up there and then hacks them up and drags the body parts around. And that would also explain how she causes water to pour through our bathroom ceiling (see post re toilet seat) as she would need to clean up the mess with loads of water !!

OMG it is nearly midnight and she is vacuming !!! Fuck me this is ridiculous. And it just really sucks that I cant go up there and ask her what the hell she is doing cause it is seriously disturbing. I even have thoughts about making a sound recording of her thumping around to play back to her. But alas it shall not be.

Well am going to try and get to sleep if she will let me !

Things that boss wanted to do to me on thursday

Ok this is so not a kinky thing - sorry to dissapoint some.

For one of the first time I landed up in a wierd mood at work. One of my typically overtired hyperactive weird moods that I havent had in ages. It wasnt helped by the fact that the printers were pissing me off. So there I was screaming across the office for the studio manager to fix it all and NOW. And then ensued much feet stamping, hand flapping, high pitch squealing tantrum. This was much more fun then actuall working.

My boss them picks up his tape measure and starts pulling out the tape and edging it over the work bench to me...this was to measure how far away my desk is so that he could rule that I had to stay 3.5m away from him when freaking out about printers!!

Then he started to discuss if they would be able to stick me to the ceiling and leave me there. We have a machine that you roll paper through and it gets a very sticky layer of glue on the back. They were wanted to put me through that and then stick me to the ceiling.

But then if they stuck me to the ceiling they would still be able to hear me so then the next plan was to get a rope and tie it round me and then into the window cleaners safty hook and throw me out the window (we are on the 5th floor btw) Then since my boss was in some want to chocolate they thought it would be a good idea to throw me out the window that was above the shop down stairs so that I could go fetch chocolate !

So after fixing my printing issues the studio manager headed off in search of sweet things and came back with the biggest stash of chocolate and fizzy drinks (that have lasted 2 days) And even though they tried to deny me more sugar I got my way and was on a very happy sugar high for the rest of the afternoon :)

Was good to have some fun at the design bench :) Think it was the joke emails fault that caused my boss to go hunting joke videos all afternoon - and all friday come to think of it - they were being such little boys !! But talk about great atmosphere.

Toilet Training

Ok, so when the rest of the female population are trying to train the men to put the toilet seat down the men in my household are having to train me to keep the toilet seat up !!! I find this distinctly strange and incongruous(i have absolutly no idea if that is spelt right but the spell check says so).
They have employed a few methods: Firstly there was the polite request that i leave it up. Then there was the merciless teasing about my inabilitly to remember to put it up. Then a little paper sign was taped to the toilet seat with a simple arrow and the word PLEASE. And now the latest and funniest to date is a LARGE paper sign on the toilet seat with a girl (me?) holding peanut butter in one hand and marmite in the other. And for those of you who dont me i absolutly HATE , DESPISE and AVOID peanut butter and marmite. This is much to the joy of my boyfriend and house mate. The boyfriend normally taunts me with them or tries to trick me into kissing him when he has some in his mouth. The housemate likes to sneak knives with peanut butter into the washing up just for the reaction (normally lots of shrieking and general hysterics that i never knew i had in me !)

So i decided to take some pics just to show the craziness in our house...

p.s. I feel that i need to mention that there is a reason that we keep the toilet seat up.... The female upstairs from us seems to overflow her bath often enough that it drips quite badly through the roof of our bathroom. Conviently if we have left the toilet seat up it just drips straight into the toilet bowl and there is no mess. IF the toilet seat is down then we land up with a very wet carpet which we can ill afford in the state that it is in already.