Wednesday, 27 December 2006

My fantasy life

Wednesday, December 27, 2006
Current mood: ecstatic

I have been living the most amazing fantasy life for the past few weeks. In my previous blogs i've been talking about having expectations and all the worry that goes with it that these expectations will not be met etc. Well i was stressing for nothing!!! Things have been great and there have been so many moments when i've had to pinch myself to beleive that i could have found someone so great and who thinks i'm amazing ...I"m riding high on a bubble of hormones and it is fanstatic!

It amazing to just give over to life and live it instead of living it all in your head - hoping for the best and to be living in the moment.

Its great to be spoilt again - it been so long since i've been spoilt by a guy and i'd almost forgotten what it was like and i've been absolutly blown away by the awesome ways, little and great, that i've been spoilt. It can be just being spoilt by an amazing comment or by the awesomly extravegant gift i got for christmas!!! I dont think i've ever been so blown away by a present - not only for the fact that it is the most extravegant gift but also by the fact that the was so much faith in us being together and the throught and time involved in picking it and the involvement of other people in his life.

It has def been the most unforgetable few weeks i've even have and it setting a very high bar for the future which is been forced into sharp focus for me...and so I will be pushing myself out of my comfort zone and out into the big wide world to experience it all and to experience the love that is growing everyday.

I'm falling hard and fast and loving every minute of it ....and the next 3 months better go as fast as possible!

Wednesday, 13 December 2006


Wednesday, December 13, 2006
Current mood: happy
Happy, happy, happy ...sleep diprived but happy :)

Sunday, 10 December 2006


Sunday, December 10, 2006
I am my own worst enemy ...
and that it is - i really dont think i should elabortate on that - maybe another day when i'm not so hungover

Friday, 8 December 2006


Friday, December 08, 2006
Current mood: confused
Category: Blogging

I feel like i've been on a rollercoaster of emotions this week and i know it is only the beginning. The rollercoaster has many more twists and turns on the way.

On Monday it seemed that the hangover from obz fest kicked in and then was helped but ensuing emotions and thoughts of confusion. Sometimes i have no idea what my head or my heart wants, its just a jumble of emotions and feelings, good and bad.

Tuesday involved wanting to break my computer as it crashed at the most inopportune moment! I was pissed, angry, furious and about ready to kill something ...and then i get the most awesome phone call that just sets my mood right up in the clouds and causes me to have the most difficult time falling asleep with all the thoughts flying around my head.
Wednesday was a good but very tiring day which involved an art exhibition and drinks ...note to self : do not wear high heels to graduation exhibition ... landed up walking around bear foot clutching my heels in my hand. But wasnt really fazed as I was surrounded by much stranger, being the art student crowd (including someone in their 20's with grey hair - fake we presume - she also happened someone i knew from way back - freaky) And drinks were highly entertaining due to the musical entertainment of the one man band complete with table dancing to "she bangs" at Quay 4.

But mostly i've just been wrapped up in my own excitement, fear, nervousness, longing for the next week. I have been fluctuating from one extreme to another. Freaking out and fearfull to then being blissfully happy and excited...
Well all I can do is just live in ... Antici .... Pation....

Wednesday, 6 December 2006

Phone calls

Wednesday, December 06, 2006
Current mood: Blissful

Isnt it amazing how a phone call can just make your heart soar leaving your head stuck in the clouds....
That is were I reside at this moment.

Tuesday, 5 December 2006

Letter to a daughter...

Tuesday, December 05, 2006
Current mood: tired
Category: Life

Below I have inserted a letter from my mom which was in comment to my blogs that I have written and I just wanted to share it ...

My Darling Gemma,

Had a look at your pics and read your latest entries. Was going to comment on line, but it sent me off somewhere saying that I had to join up – sorry too much for me today. So here are my comments.

It really saddens me to read what you say – obviously how I brought you up has impacted greatly on who you have become – an extremely complex person. It was my job to teach you what was right and what was wrong and equip you to go out in the world and survive. On one level I seem to have done a good job but on a deeper level I seem to have made you take life far too seriously. You can't go through life feeling guilty for everything and everyone. You are not, to coin the phrase, "your brother's keeper". You need to do what you want to do (as long as it doesn't hurt anyone) whenever, regardless of what anyone says. I never want you to be like your grandmother or like me (for that matter) and put yourself down either because of friends or because of the person you end up living with or married to. Nobody has the right to make you feel this way.
I know you are a perfectionist and perfectionists suffer. Remember nobody, except God, is perfect. Always try and do your best and don't waste the talents God gave you because one day when you are old you will regret this. But don't stress about what you do and how you do it. You are unique and you will do everything in your own unique style. So far I am very proud of everything you have achieved.

And don't bury all your feelings and internalise them. This is what is causing your ulcer. You need to tell people to back off and that includes your family, your friends and your boss.

I feel guilty because I don't seem to have equipped you with enough skills to deal with life. I seemed to have concentrated on giving you the best education possible. Maybe I wasn't dealing with my own life well enough at the time to actually teach you coping skills. For this I apologise and ask your forgiveness.

You have so much to look forward to – the best years of your life still lie ahead of you now that you more or less know who you are and what you stand for.
Please remember to
· live each day to the fullest, if you spend it stressing about things you will miss so much.
· not worry about tomorrow because it may never happen and it is a complete waste of time and emotion. And time you can never get back.
· have faith and believe in yourself regardless of what others say about you or to you.
· be kind to yourself and do things you want to do – not what others want you to do.
· be kind to others but not to the detriment of yourself – remember the saying "what goes around comes around".
· not harbour anger or guilt – it will make you sick and is really not worth it. Trust me I know all about this.
· be comfortable in your skin –after all it is your skin.

Also remember that I am always here for you – don't shut me out of your life. Talk to me about your problems - even if you are going to live far away from me. I will only be a phone call or an ADSL line away from you.

I want you to be happy with the wings you have grown and to fly far and wide and do wonderful things. I want you to be able, at the end of your life, to look back without regret and say that you have made the most of everything and done everything to the best of your abiblity. Don't always live wisely or safely, remember to live passionately – it will carry you through the dark times, and sadly there will always be the odd dark times.

I love you and am immensely proud of who you are and what you stand for - don't compromise and above all be happy and don't forget to dance with the fairies at the bottom of the garden.

Will all my love,


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