Realisations

Friday, March 16, 2007
Current mood: drained
Category: Life
I've had quite a hectic few weeks including having my office invaded by the person that is going to be taking over from me and I have to train. This may have cut down my internet time and been very frustrating having to teach someone software from scratch. But i've also had some really interesting conversations that have made me look at certain situations with a knowing and new perspective. This has also been helped by conversations with friends and going to watch the documentary the secret.

So something i've come to realise that we all need unconditional love. The kind of love where you do not feel judged and you have no fear of being hurt. Cause hurt and pain isnt just a feeling of emotion. It shapes who we are. And even though we can grow and become stronger by going through the pain we can also be keep in a rut in our life due to hurt i.e. the kind of hurt and pain that the feeling of failure causes. This then taints how we all react to situations and to each other. I think we are all afraid of the pain and hurt and that is the love from people doesnt seem unconditional then we will be the first to react negatively or to withdrawn and shut the other person out. But then are we not holding back our unconditional love for the other people?
Is it too much to hope that we could give our love unconditional, that we can really change each others lives for the better - to let people in and even if we get hurt to keep giving out our love. Doesnt that path seem more prefreable then a life half lived and full to feelings of emptiness that comes with all the insecurities and fears. But on the flip side ...when is enough enough? How long do you go on giving your love and energy to a person without anything in return. Yet obviously we should give without the expectation of receiving. But when do you let go and move on?

Ok so i've seriously gotten off my original point of this blog ...but these are all things that have come up in the last 2 weeks. And maybe it is because of the new guy at work or maybe it is the fact that i'm leaving, but i know that i want to be true to all the unconditional love that I have within me and just take the time to tell people how much i appreciate and love them. And even though i've been and will be very busy before leaving. Everyone please remember that I do love and care for you but i have to do so many things before leaving.

Before i went off on a tangent I originally wanted to make the point that it is such a great feeling to be in a relationship were i can truely be myself, where there is no judgement, where there are expectations of my personality. I feel no need to adjust who i am or what opinions I have - even if they are opposite. It is also great to feel safe enough that you can admit that you dont know something (this is something that i've noticed lately that people have an issue admiting this)

So again i just have to say that i'm so grateful for my relationship, and for my family and friends as i dont know what i would do without them. Thanks Callum for always being here for me even if you are SO far away! And always making me laugh when i've had a bad day. Thanks Mish for all our interesting and mulit faceted conversations !! Thanks Mark for being there for me no matter what ...all day long :) Thanks Mom for your patience with me for all my dis order, stress and constant tiredness.

And thanks to you for taking the time out to read my random thoughts and ramblings :)
Ok now i'm more then drained, i'm completely exhausted !!
Night night ...xx