Boring Frustrating days

My brain is goop again ...damn work :P

I had all these things i had planned that I was going to write etc. But now i'm just too annoyed and frstrated and have been dealing with too many annoying people today who wont do what I'm asking them to do - seriously how hard is it to just send me one file...or better yet just be able to tell me the answer to my simple question over the phone so that i can get my job done and draw the damn thing up. Plus i'm just too hacked off and all sorts today .... And now the flippin printer has lost my print job - arg!

So I had a weekend off and didnt do anything !! was great! didnt leave the house or do anything too serious. was wonderful. I made scones on Saturday - they were very yummy !!! if i say so myself. And watched House (the series) and a few movies along the way. Got myself addicted to Scrapblog and am loving it. Finally signed up for my valentines day gift of a membership with LoveFilm...and the first movie has arrived already - may have to watch it tonight as it is a cute happy soppy chick flick...sorry C !!!

So talking about C... This is another graphic I made on the weekend with scrapblog.

Can you tell I love this man? LOL

Tales from Download - Pictures

I'm finished...

Wow work has just killed me today ...i'm sitting here still at work unable to concentrate on work at all. I was sitting here feeling my eyes get really heavy but didnt think i was really falling asleep. That was until I landed up with my mouse button finger jerking upwards that it woke me up and I landed up staring at it in amazement!

So then I was like Stuff the work I'll go read some blogs...this is all well and good when you are not in a half sleep, delirious mood from the lack of food !!! Sorry for the random comments i've been throwing in here and there. Did find a guys blog that I didnt think he was too much of an asshole even though he calls himself one and even though all his readers seem to think so. Oh well. I did find it a very interesting point in the whole "what is an appropriate comment" debate that has been going on lately... So here is the link to his page to read the HORRID comments that people say to his blog and directly at him. They are def not sugar coating anything.

Ok I dont think i should ramble anymore cause it is just going to get ridiculous as I normally get when i'm over tired and i just going to start talking more and more and spelling everything really badly ! I've been told I write like a talk maybe that is cause I can mostly type fast enough to keep up with the steady stream of thought running through my head. Dont know if I should let them out tho.

Had A fucking stressful day at work and am hating project manager at the moment but had a pretty good site meeting with Trendy. This cause me to have a moments realisation that I'm really happy that i'm working with her now and def not Miss Unhinged! We work well together and are a very strong team and I think we will be even better as time goes on. But I just cant understand why I had to waste so much freak paper printing out way too many sets of drawings!! This cause me to have flippin plotter printer issues and having to play with a freaking gilotine (so cant spell that one) and folding masses of drawings! FOR NOTHING !! when there were some many other drawings that I actually needed to be drawing!

Ok really have to run now - feeling really woozy and floaty and need to go meet C to go walk to the resturant to eat in the dark with Miss M, Jailbait and Laid back architect.

Byeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

A realisation for the day...

So I went off to grab a drink and some fresh air before heading back to my desk for all the work that the rest of the day holds and landed up reading one of the free daily papers outside. One article really jumped out at me and after reading it I seriously felt shamed...
Headline: "Arrest risk to bloggers is growing"
64 people have been arrested for their words online since 2003. Half of those were in China where they are being arrested for being outspoken against the government. The one example is a man that was running a blog exposing human rights issues! *
So this just made me realise how can we be ranting and raving about what we write on these insignificant blogs (mine included) when there are people out there not blogging about their lives and work but about the injustices in this world in an attempt to correct them. And for this they are being arrested.
We have the freedom of speech to write the useless things on the Internet that we do so why get so wrapped up and upset over insignificant comments and opinions on subjects that overly simplified and narrow minded. There are much bigger battles to fight out there.
Just my little thought for the day

*I do also realise that not all are arrested for those reasons and may actually be commiting the crimes against humankind themselves and therefore deserve the arrest.

Tales of the Download festival

Firstly I just wanted to say that i've been thinking lately and since i've started to read more and more fellow blogs out there I've found i've been starting to follow a bit of a format and i've decided that i'm going to change that and go back to how things were before. This might seem like a small simple difference but it means something to me. The main thing is that I was starting to blog more anonmously and well I never really was before so why should I now. I dont have anything to hide or feel any need to be held back if people know me. I know there are quite a few friends that read my blog and both my mom and bf read my blog regularly...esp thanks to rss feeds. lol. Anyway so even tho the people I write about are refered to by nicks it is normally their choice and preference. So here I am with C at download festival ------>

So anyways...Download ...WOW. I'm so glad we made the plans and effort to go. It was so great, I loved it. There are of course downsides to the mission and sleeping arrangements (i.e.camping) but it is all so worth it !!!

We threw everything together on Friday morning and I was impressed at how effiecient we were at it ...normally it is an insane rush and are always forgeting things. This time tho there we were sitting around waiting to head to the train station so that we didnt arrive TOO ridiculouly early (we are normally super early due to C and I both having paranoid tendancies as to missing planes, trains etc. even though we are in a mad rsuh at home) Here absolutly everything went so smoothly ! was great!

Once at the venue we were def overwhelmed by the shear size of it. As we wondered around amazed by all the tens of thousands of tents and wondering where the hell we were going to put ours down! We landed up in the campsite closest to the arena standing around with a group of about 30 people and more arriving by the minute waiting for the stewards to find us places to pitch tents. I wasnt too keen to stand around forever waiting and since we were still trying to stick to time schedule to be able to make it to see SEETHER. So when the steward said who has a 4 person tent my hand shot up so fast you would swear I had professional experience being a teachers pet. lol. Yes I know we had a 4 person tent for the 2 of us ...but it was great ! So off we went and pitched tent... What a cool tent we got for half price at Argos - damn i love that place!

Sadly we didnt make to to see seether...well we saw them walking off the stage. It was like a half hour trek from the camping grounds to the main stage - ARG!

So here is the list of bands out of the masses that we saw:
Friday:
Disturbed - so thrilled that I got to see these guys. Love the music. Sadly was by some wankers throwing negative comments around so had to move and find some fans.

Motorhead - So had to see these guy just to say I have since they are the for-fathers of the current rock stuff. I cant get over the inabilitly of Lemmy to make himself understood but he can still sing !! rock legend!

Rise against - Was good to hear these guys for the first time...will have to go find some more!

Kiss - Again you just have to see these guys to say that you have, I mean what a show with all the lights and fireworks and costumes!

Saturday:
Alter bridge - Wow what a hot lead vocalist! yummy! He is a rock kevin bacon look alike! Plus have liked the few songs that I have of theirs

Bullet for my valentine - A little to Trash for my liking

Incubus - So great! but would you expect any less! They performed most of their best tracks as well. I must say I loved the random comment "Whoa there is a giant hotdog back there...if your hungry or anything" (hotdog food stand reference)

Offspring - WOW Was right up there in the insane packed in crowd being jumped up and down and trying not to be squashed or trampled. Was amazing vibe ! and wow was I carried back to being 13 and mad about them. I was a teenager all over again :)

Sunday:
Fightstar
Apocalyptica - Really love these strange finiish (sp?) guys when they are doing Mettalica on strings...They are basically metal on classical instruments...you try full on head banging (the real deal) while playing a cleo at a million miles an hour! I must say that most of the stuff they performed from the new album was a little to thrash for me...didnt think they could get harder metal then they were already but I was wrong

Within temptation - Interesting Dutch goth metal with Chick lead vocal - kinda evanescene like.
Coheed & Cambria - Surprisingly better live then I thought they would be.
Jimmy eat world - Thought I would enjoy them better then i did. They played all the good tracks but I think it might have been the sound set up (heavy on the instruments, light on the vocals) that made them sound samey

and lastly but def the best Jonathan davis (I cannot describe the feelings that I go through when I hear this guy - let along live...There were shivers down my spine and tears in my eyes! He is the ultimate to me and i dont even know why just that the music get into me)


More tales to follow shortly ....

Mommy's birthday day !

It was my mommy's birthday yesterday! YAY ... and of course she is aging so gracefully :) ...or as wildly as possible maybe. She is heading off to a SEETHER concert on Sunday with one of my best friends! So basically my mom is still rocking out at 61 !! how cool :)

(p.s. I hope I look like her at 61!!)

So this week has been a good one so far.. Cept the waking up on Monday morning to no lights and the bullshit going down on another blog. I must say that having to shower and dress and do make-up by a little mag lite torch on a Monday morning wasn't the best way to start the week and luckily i didn't leave the house looking like a clown! Actually I felt great ! I got to wear my new slimming gorgeous black skirt and bare my legs for the first time this summer (not sure i can call it that tho) Work went off pretty easy so far this week esp since a bunch of the girls in design have take our hours lunch and gone to sit in the sun in the park ! Makes the day so much better and I haven't felt so run down by the end of the day.

Today has been a ton more insane but in a good way with hectic client design meetings. It just reminds me how much happier i am working with Trendy rather then Miss Unhinged (who is seriously struggling now without support and the fact that she now has to do her job instead of expecting me to have a handle on it all)

And right now the rest of this blog comes from a few experiences in this last week....I just cant believe how petty and childish people can be on their own blogs. I've given over to the fact that I'm putting my feelings and emotions out there and welcome any comments on that or none at all. I've written what i want to write and that is enough for me. I don't need approval or awards or popularity. I also just have to say that I am who I am and I try to live my life on and offline as the person closest to my inner self. Sometimes that means wearing my heart on my sleeve and getting hurt along the way but it also means i heal faster and get faced with the truth about myself more so I am able to grow in every possible way.

I have been told that I'm aggressive and over powering and forceful which I am but I'm also the other side of the coin and have a very soft personality. I think that is why so many people come to me for advice. They know I'll be straight forward but appreciate the understanding that i bring as well. I decided a long time ago due to some disastrous relationships and friendships that I need to be true to how i think and feel all the time and i will not edit myself for anyone !!! I feel very strongly about this.

People say that you can be more yourself online then in real life but pretty much everything I say online i would say to people in real life. I mean I've been able to put my feelings on my blog for the world to read about my life and how I feel about people in my life. If my mom was able to read harsh comments about herself and her raising of me and is able to go and think about it and send me a thoughtful and honest answer that I don't feel comfortable reading then I don't know why i shouldn't expect that from strangers out there. And not have smaller things blown out of proportion with emotion. You don't get more emotional then an online dealing with feelings between mother and daughter (this is all in my blog archive)

As I've started to comment more on peoples blogs I just want to say that I will always open up and tell of my own private experiences and will say what I truly think about a post. I will not sugar coat things and i wouldn't say thing that I think the person wants to hear. I'm sorry if that is too much for people to handle but then if it is how does one deal with face to face criticism or honest comments. I also enjoy reading the blogs the give me something enough to think about and then comment. Let me tell you that I do take time and energy with everything I type. I'm not flippant or unthoughtful.

I know that people will always read me wrong online (esp since I have a difficult time with grammar and spelling due to dyslexia) and in real life. This is something that I've also had to learn to deal with and accept as graciously as possible. I'm just so not used to overreaction and highly emotional drama for no reason. I personally love heated debates even ones that get emotional...but deal with and move on. I do not believe in holding grudges for such petty moments in life. There are much more important things.

Maybe I'm just a screwed up tainted girl...but then it kinda makes life interesting.

I had an ex once that used to find anything to debate (maybe call it arguing) while online with each other. We could go on for hours and i now know he used to take an opposite stance just for the fun of it even if he didn't believe it. He said it gives you practice at trying to understand people even if you think their point of view is stupid. As much as I "hated" him while debating as it could be so frustrating but it never effected our friendship (which we still have even though we are ex's) I appreciate that I can even tell him now straight out that he is being an idiot with his life etc.

Maybe that is why I enjoy friendships with guys and the girls that REALLY know me and how I am not being harsh when telling them truthfully what I think. Besides then they know that i'm not being fake or two-faced to them. They know where they stand. This works in relationships as well and I can say that communication is key even if it isnt want you want to hear but you can at least work from a base of honestly and avoid alot of problems in the future. Trust me C tells me harsh things about myself for me to face and take in and then accept...and therefore I can trust in him completely and know that he loves me for the whole of me good and bad.

But then again I don't live in a rose tinted world with my head in the sand trying to be something that I'm not. Maybe this is cause in my short 26 years on this earth i've been faced with many huge things to make me reevaluate the world around me and my inner self. One can only grow from being pushed out of ones comfort zone and having the deal and work on creating your own happiness. This is another thing I i feel strongly about since I see so many others in such a depressive state that it has become the norm.

Do not accept this in your life! Do something about it and to change it! Do not sit around and think "whoa is me, i'm so hard done by". You are responsible for your own happiness! I've been there, I've worked through it. I've been though emotional, physical and life changing hell and I wouldn't have it any other way cause I am the person i am because of it and honestly I'm happy with that. This all might seem vain and selfish to some people...but you know what I don't care...I'm living my life and I'm happy.

I'm actually happy with all the things that lead me along this post's journey - it has been great writing from deep down inside again :) Thank you

Perfectly Suited

Friday night was a good night! After such a crap week it really was needed! I got in a nice long call to my poor sick mom that was in bed with gasto stuff (hope you're feeling better mommy) and then headed off home to just chill! After loads of procrastinating C and I finally got some food together and while we where doing this (simultaneously also bugging the housemate as much as possible) this is the conversation which according to the housemate means that C and I really are perfectly suited...

C: (from the kitchen) "oh Gem, I found a website with size 11 high heels!"

Me: (from the bedroom) " WOOHOO"

Housemate: (from the passageway) "Omg, that is why you 2 are so right for each other, I mean any other girlfriend would be asking why the hell you were looking at a site with high heels let alone a site with size 11 AND why the hell would you be interested in high heels!!"

This of course has us in such stitches as we hadn't even though of all that. It was just part of all larger conversation that we have had many a time esp when girls tend to go on about guys not understanding the pain that woman go through when wearing high heels...He doesn't think it is that hard walking around in heels since he has tried it before (lost a bet with a drag queen !!!) and is very much the kind of guy that would do it again to prove a point... and this I get so of course no explanation is needed and I just understand him and he understands me.

AND we are both a little (read very) strange - which i think is more what the housemate was getting at ! I suppose it is always fun when you can entertain* someone like we do with him :)

*we call it entertain and he calls it annoying ! its a win win situation in my head :)

We finally sat down and watched a movie, What happens in Las Vegas...I blame the housemate for this one, I think he was trying to get us back for something and therefore gave us a crap movie to watch. But no matter for the rest of the night was fantastic and made up for a the crap week.

And the rest of the weekend was enjoyed by doing as little as possible which was awesome. Breakfast at the little place we've been trying to go to for ages, Banners up in Crouch end...its always fully booked. And lounging in the park in the sun on a Sunday afternoon with a good book. What more could you ask for :)

And now back to work ...Monday down and only 3 more days of work till we are off to DOWNLOAD :)

Missing Friends

This week has been one of the hardest weeks for me since coming to London. At the beginning of the week it just hit me hard how much I miss my closest friends that are all back in Cape Town. I just really missed having their support - I know that i'll always have their support but it is different when you are halfway across the world. I miss that certain love and affection you get from those friends that are the closest to your heart, that know you inside out more then you probably know yourself. I know that I still have them and we will be there for each other for a very long time to come (i dont like to put the pressure of forever on relationships) but i just really FELT how far away they were this week. There are def situations that i really could do with having them around and for the moment they are nothing ever serious. It is always small situations like having to pop to the shops to return something alone....

So that is basically how i've been feeling this week...Alone.

But now it is Friday and thankfully the end to another VERY hectic work week of late nights and hectic deadlines. And I just have to say that I have the most wonderful bf* who can cheer up my day with the smallest things ... And so as a sweet happy ending to my week he posted me a packet of sweets called "midget gems" with a little note saying he thought of me when he saw them. This isnt your average romantic but i'll take it anyday over your classic romantic. Just a side note for people that dont know us... we live together and work about a 2 min walk from each other (we often have lunch together when not too busy) So for him to post me sweets that he bought and hid from me while we bought luch together is jsut so impractical but the perfect gesture that has made me so very happy !!

*Sorry for making you read about this online...but you really made a crap week all better...mwah!

My First Ebay purchase

So i've done it, I've joined the ebay purchasing community...And these are my very first purchase:
How crazy are these !! So cool... DOWNLOAD FESTIVAL here I come! Am pretty happy that I have such cool wellies to keep my feet and clothes mud free. Am hoping there isnt going to be any mud but hey who am I kidding this is England and this is the festival norm.

I havent quite gotten up the guts to actually do the whole auction bidding thing. Was trying to wrap my head around this last night and I dont know if i'm being stupid or not but I find it hard to see how you would be able to win anything with the whole automatic bidding system. Its like a whole mind guessing game thing.

Maybe i'll just start with something really small...lots of shopping surfing awaiting me in the near future :)