Mommy's birthday day !

It was my mommy's birthday yesterday! YAY ... and of course she is aging so gracefully :) ...or as wildly as possible maybe. She is heading off to a SEETHER concert on Sunday with one of my best friends! So basically my mom is still rocking out at 61 !! how cool :)

(p.s. I hope I look like her at 61!!)

So this week has been a good one so far.. Cept the waking up on Monday morning to no lights and the bullshit going down on another blog. I must say that having to shower and dress and do make-up by a little mag lite torch on a Monday morning wasn't the best way to start the week and luckily i didn't leave the house looking like a clown! Actually I felt great ! I got to wear my new slimming gorgeous black skirt and bare my legs for the first time this summer (not sure i can call it that tho) Work went off pretty easy so far this week esp since a bunch of the girls in design have take our hours lunch and gone to sit in the sun in the park ! Makes the day so much better and I haven't felt so run down by the end of the day.

Today has been a ton more insane but in a good way with hectic client design meetings. It just reminds me how much happier i am working with Trendy rather then Miss Unhinged (who is seriously struggling now without support and the fact that she now has to do her job instead of expecting me to have a handle on it all)

And right now the rest of this blog comes from a few experiences in this last week....I just cant believe how petty and childish people can be on their own blogs. I've given over to the fact that I'm putting my feelings and emotions out there and welcome any comments on that or none at all. I've written what i want to write and that is enough for me. I don't need approval or awards or popularity. I also just have to say that I am who I am and I try to live my life on and offline as the person closest to my inner self. Sometimes that means wearing my heart on my sleeve and getting hurt along the way but it also means i heal faster and get faced with the truth about myself more so I am able to grow in every possible way.

I have been told that I'm aggressive and over powering and forceful which I am but I'm also the other side of the coin and have a very soft personality. I think that is why so many people come to me for advice. They know I'll be straight forward but appreciate the understanding that i bring as well. I decided a long time ago due to some disastrous relationships and friendships that I need to be true to how i think and feel all the time and i will not edit myself for anyone !!! I feel very strongly about this.

People say that you can be more yourself online then in real life but pretty much everything I say online i would say to people in real life. I mean I've been able to put my feelings on my blog for the world to read about my life and how I feel about people in my life. If my mom was able to read harsh comments about herself and her raising of me and is able to go and think about it and send me a thoughtful and honest answer that I don't feel comfortable reading then I don't know why i shouldn't expect that from strangers out there. And not have smaller things blown out of proportion with emotion. You don't get more emotional then an online dealing with feelings between mother and daughter (this is all in my blog archive)

As I've started to comment more on peoples blogs I just want to say that I will always open up and tell of my own private experiences and will say what I truly think about a post. I will not sugar coat things and i wouldn't say thing that I think the person wants to hear. I'm sorry if that is too much for people to handle but then if it is how does one deal with face to face criticism or honest comments. I also enjoy reading the blogs the give me something enough to think about and then comment. Let me tell you that I do take time and energy with everything I type. I'm not flippant or unthoughtful.

I know that people will always read me wrong online (esp since I have a difficult time with grammar and spelling due to dyslexia) and in real life. This is something that I've also had to learn to deal with and accept as graciously as possible. I'm just so not used to overreaction and highly emotional drama for no reason. I personally love heated debates even ones that get emotional...but deal with and move on. I do not believe in holding grudges for such petty moments in life. There are much more important things.

Maybe I'm just a screwed up tainted girl...but then it kinda makes life interesting.

I had an ex once that used to find anything to debate (maybe call it arguing) while online with each other. We could go on for hours and i now know he used to take an opposite stance just for the fun of it even if he didn't believe it. He said it gives you practice at trying to understand people even if you think their point of view is stupid. As much as I "hated" him while debating as it could be so frustrating but it never effected our friendship (which we still have even though we are ex's) I appreciate that I can even tell him now straight out that he is being an idiot with his life etc.

Maybe that is why I enjoy friendships with guys and the girls that REALLY know me and how I am not being harsh when telling them truthfully what I think. Besides then they know that i'm not being fake or two-faced to them. They know where they stand. This works in relationships as well and I can say that communication is key even if it isnt want you want to hear but you can at least work from a base of honestly and avoid alot of problems in the future. Trust me C tells me harsh things about myself for me to face and take in and then accept...and therefore I can trust in him completely and know that he loves me for the whole of me good and bad.

But then again I don't live in a rose tinted world with my head in the sand trying to be something that I'm not. Maybe this is cause in my short 26 years on this earth i've been faced with many huge things to make me reevaluate the world around me and my inner self. One can only grow from being pushed out of ones comfort zone and having the deal and work on creating your own happiness. This is another thing I i feel strongly about since I see so many others in such a depressive state that it has become the norm.

Do not accept this in your life! Do something about it and to change it! Do not sit around and think "whoa is me, i'm so hard done by". You are responsible for your own happiness! I've been there, I've worked through it. I've been though emotional, physical and life changing hell and I wouldn't have it any other way cause I am the person i am because of it and honestly I'm happy with that. This all might seem vain and selfish to some people...but you know what I don't care...I'm living my life and I'm happy.

I'm actually happy with all the things that lead me along this post's journey - it has been great writing from deep down inside again :) Thank you